How to Tell Your Kids that You’re Going to Be a Surrogate

Posted by Shiva Landry on
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Surrogacy is not an easy subject even today, despite the twenty-first century we are living in. You see, the process of surrogate pregnancy is not widely acceptable in many cultures and societies, even though surrogacy agencies in Texas are working proactively. Perhaps it is the fear of the fact that your children will find it extremely challenging emotionally to know that their new sibling won’t be coming home at all.

You may have all the reasons to become a surrogate, such as volunteering for a couple who have tried everything, including crystals for fertility, but failed. You may volunteer to be their surrogate willingly, perhaps because of the bond you share with them.

However, the fact is that the fear of your children not accepting your surrogacy can feel crippling. But the good news is that these fears don’t usually come to fruition because of the more inclusive community we’re pushing for globally.

Kids are a whole lot smarter, intellectual, and flexible these days, largely due to the abundance of education and information available. Kids are also more resilient creatures and love sharing in the excitement of adults. Hence, portraying your own excitement to them and opting for open, honest and age-appropriate communication is the right route.

Further below, we will share some helpful tips on how to tell your kids you’re going to be a surrogate.

Involve Your Kids in the Process of Surrogate Pregnancy

For starters, you must try not to keep your reasons to become a surrogate from your kids. They have a right to be a part of the process of surrogate pregnancy. You may be taking on the major portion of the responsibility, but it will impact your family too.

For instance, you will certainly become less available to your kids when you have to be follow up with appointments and doctor visits. If you fail to include them in this process through regular and honest communication, it may arouse feelings of jealousy and longing for attention from you, in them.

Hence, it is always in favor of the surrogate to involve her kids in the process. Of course, their level of maturity, information, age and feelings will determine how well they will cope with the events. But if you begin with a gentle introduction and regularly follow with concrete information, they will accept it more easily.

Perhaps when you’re using things like a pregnancy ball or a birthing ball, you could have your kids to be present during the exercise. It will make them feel more involved and more open towards acceptance of the process if they’re in it with you.

Answer as Many of Their Questions as you can

It is important to remember foremost that children are intellectual beings, and to encourage their acceptance, you must indulge them. Allow them to ask whatever questions they may have about surrogacy. Muster as much patience, respect and softness as you can while answering their queries.

Also, avoid using statements like, “We want this because we decided it.” Words like these may make your children feel left out of an important decision. They may also interpret it as your attempt to seclude them out of important events of your life.

Hence, answer them gently and inject as much positivity into your words as you can. Try to help them see the good that will come out of this decision to your family as a whole and the intended parents. Teach your kids how being empathetic is a virtue and that it is important to be there for each other in ways possible.

While your belly continues to grow throughout the process of surrogate pregnancy, so will their questions.

Tips to Teach Your Kids about Surrogacy in the Right Way

1.     Use Resources

There are multiple resource books on surrogacy for kids. You could select a few and start reading those with your children. Include the family members in it too as a family-building activity. Reading books together is a great step forwards in normalizing surrogacy and making it a widely accepted subject. You could also use this activity as a gentle way to broach the subject with your kids and ask them how they would feel if you wished to help another family by being their surrogate.

2.     Arrange a Visit with the Intended Parents

If you have initiated the process of surrogate pregnancy, it would be a great idea to arrange a meet-up of the intended family with your kids. Before the meeting though, show your kids their pictures and introduce the couple in as positive a light as you can. You must share their story too and try to explain the story of the family, which moved you to be their surrogate.

3.     Involve them in the Service

Teach your kids how they all had to pitch in to help you give birth to a baby for a family who is yearning for. Let them see the goodness in the act so that they feel proud about being empathetic and helpful to others.

4.     Arrange a Visit to the Intended Family’s Home for Your Kids

If your children request to see the home of the intended family where the new baby will live, try to arrange a visit.

5.     Allow the Kids to Visit the Nursery

It would be a good idea to let your children pick a special outfit or toy for the newborn baby. Have them bring it to the nursery when the child is born.

6.     Arm them with the Right Information

Make your children knowledgeable and confident enough to discuss surrogacy maturely and positively with others. Arm them with positive and informative responses so that they wouldn’t mind receiving questions and comments and responding to them. Once you break the surrogacy news to everyone, there’s bound to be a family member, friend or stranger who will comment about it. Prior training will prevent your kids from feeling awkward when such situations arise in their presence.

Final Thoughts

The process of surrogate pregnancy is a challenging one, for the surrogate, her family and kids, and the intended parents-to-be too. But the process is to take the most toll on the kids of the surrogate if she doesn’t educate, train and involve them from the start.

Regardless of all your reasons to become a surrogate, remember to keep it an ongoing dialogue with your kids. Let it be a two-way communication always so that they feel equally involved in this important event of your lives.

If you have any questions or are interested in becoming a surrogate, give us a call! You can contact us at either our Houston 713-622-1144 or Dallas 214-390-4024 office for more information. Or, visit www.deliveradream.com to request information to learn more!

 

 

how does a surrogate choose the intended parents

How Does a Surrogate Pick the Intended Parents

Posted by Shiva Landry on

A Surrogate’s Choice

Choosing Intended Parents for You and Your Lifestyle

Before a Surrogate chooses Intended Parents (IPs), she has a lot of factors to consider. What types of intended parents does she wish to work with? What does she hope to gain by carrying and delivering a child to a couple? Should she go through a reputable agency or contract with individuals?

There are a multitude of questions that a surrogate should consider before choosing the IPs. In fact, these qualifications should be fleshed out before the IP/Surrogate matching process begins!

What is Surrogacy?

Surrogacy is a legal arrangement that is made when a woman agrees to gives birth to one or more children for a person/couple who is unable to have children. The surrogate then gives the child to the IPs after giving birth.

What are Intended Parents (IPs)?

Intended parents are people who cannot conceive on their own and choose surrogacy as a means to have a child.

What is the difference between a Traditional Surrogate and a Gestational Carrier?

A traditional surrogate mother uses her egg, which is artificially inseminated by a sperm donor or biological father, for the purpose of creating a child for the IPs. Shared Conception does NOT facilitate traditional surrogacy arrangements. However, we do facilitate gestational surrogacy arrangements, which is where a woman agrees to carry and deliver a baby that may or may not be related to the IPs. A traditional surrogate is the biological mother of a child, and the gestational carrier is the host for an embryo that is either related to the IPs or an egg donor or sperm donor.

How Does a Surrogate Pick Intended Parents?

There are many qualifications a surrogate should consider when vetting intended parents. But first and foremost: Does the surrogate want to go through an agency or wade through medical and legal waters alone?

I spoke with Shiva Landry, Executive Director of Shared Conception, about the purpose of a surrogacy agency.

“The purpose of a surrogacy agency is to guide both the intended parents and mother through the journey of giving and receiving life. You should ensure that you and the intended parents have matching expectations!

For example:

  • Does the couple want to stay in contact after the baby is born?
  • Does the couple want to go their separate ways after the baby is delivered?
  • What will the ‘hand off’ of the baby be like?
  • What are the expectations for both the IPs and the surrogate?

Sometimes surrogates choose intended parents because they know someone who is/or has been affected by infertility via cancer, miscarriages, and other medical issues. Whatever the reason for infertility, many times surrogates factor that into their final decision.

Another issue that faces surrogates and IPs is proximity. Does the surrogate want or need intended parents who live in proximity to her? Would she like to have them present at the doctor visits and delivery?

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Have questions about becoming a surrogate or intended parent? Contact us at Shared Conception. We want to help!

Blog written by: Desiree Dunning

Feeling your best when pregnant

Feeling your best throughout pregnancy

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As you look forward to that special day when your intended parents hold their baby, you’re expecting a lot of body changes! Early in your pregnancy is often the hardest. Hormones cause breast tenderness, morning sickness, and fatigue. Yet often, these things get better in the second trimester, and there are plenty of things to look forward to.

The Glow

It’s not a myth: Pregnant women often “glow” because of more blood flow and more oil production in the skin. Some other changes to your skin can include discoloration of facial skin (melasma), some breakouts, itchy skin, and stretch marks. Just have a good bottle of moisturizer to soothe itchy skin and prevent stretch marks. And always check with your doctor before using any acne medicines on your skin.

Exercise

Staying active during pregnancy gives you more energy and gets your body ready for childbirth. This does not mean skipping any needed naps because your body needs extra rest too. As long as your doctor says it’s OK, healthy women should aim for at least two and a half hours of exercise each week. Choose simple, low-impact workouts like walking or swimming. If you were active before your pregnancy, check with your doctor about continuing to run, do aerobics, or lift weights. Be sure to drink plenty of water and stop exercising if you feel dizzy or faint.

Treat yourself; you deserve it

A spa day can be a real treat and sometimes necessary throughout your pregnancy. Massages are great for relieving tension and soothing muscle aches and pains. Be sure to find a massage therapist certified in prenatal massage, and always check with your doctor first. Many spa treatments are safe, but avoid those that can raise your body temperatures, such as mud baths and sauna sessions. Your skin may be more sensitive to other spa treatments, like facials. But you can find facial services for sensitive skin too. Don’t forget to add something like this to your wish list!

Stretch, relax, enjoy

Yoga can relax your body and your mind. You don’t even need to attend a class. Look for pregnancy yoga online or find a prenatal yoga class. A certified instructor will know which poses you can do safely and will help you adapt poses as you get closer to your due date. Check with your doctor before starting any exercise, including yoga.

Luscious locks

One benefit of pregnancy hormones is that you don’t lose as much hair as you usually do. Your hair might feel thicker and fuller. Ask your doctor before entering the salon for hair treatments like hair color or highlights. They are generally acceptable when pregnant, but your doctor may suggest waiting until after the first trimester. After delivery, you might lose more hair than usual, but your hair growth should be back to normal within six months of the birth.

Shared Conception looks forward to going through this journey with you. Your journey can begin by filling out an application request form. Visit www.deliveradream.com for more information.

 

birthing ball

What is a birthing ball?

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A birth ball is just like a gym ball that you use to exercise, but slightly larger. It allows pregnant women to sit comfortably and even practice positions for labor. It also has more benefits, such as a good core workout.

Sitting comfortably

Moving around can become more challenging as you grow. A birthing ball is much more comfortable during pregnancy to sit on than desk chairs or sofas. It also has a little bit of a bounce making it easier to get on and off.

Exercise and pain relief

A birthing ball can also improve posture and balance and exercise your core muscles. When you rock or bounce on it gently, your stomach and back muscles will be working hard to keep you balanced and upright.

A birth ball can also distribute weight more evenly. It can help relieve back pain and support your knees and ankles. It’s also a great way to get your baby into the correct position for delivery.

Using a birth ball during the later stages of pregnancy helps move the baby into the correct position for birth.

For labor

A birthing ball can also help reduce the pain of contractions during labor. While moving during a contraction, the birthing ball will support your body, easing the pain. Also, sitting on the ball with your legs wide apart can help open your pelvis ready for birth.

When can I use a birth ball?

You can start using a birth ball at any point in your pregnancy for gentle exercise, help with aches, pains, and getting your baby into the correct position.

When using a birth ball:

  • Use a floor with carpet or rug for more safety and stability.
  • Go barefoot. If not, make sure to wear non-slip shoes or socks.
  • Place your feet flat and far apart on the floor, ensuring your knees are lower than your hips.
  • Once you’ve become more familiar with the birthing ball, use it throughout your pregnancy. Even at your desk while working!

Why not take the next step towards surrogacy and open a dialogue with Shared Conception? Give us a call today. You can also visit www.deliveradream.com to begin an application to become a gestational surrogate and find out more information!

herbs for pregnancy

Herbs and pregnancy

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Believe it or not, some herbs have natural healing and immune-boosting properties that can help throughout pregnancy. These can be found in teas, added to meals, or even put in smoothies. Below is a list of the most popular and helpful herbs to consider during pregnancy.

  1. Fennel: Fennel helps relax muscles and ease cramping, gas, and bloating. In addition to these digestive benefits, herbalists have used fennel for alleviating water retention to promote a healthy supply of breast milk. Keep this in mind if you are planning to sell or donate your supply.
  2. Fenugreek: In Greek, this word is defined as “bringer of milk.” It can support breastfeeding and has been used by women for centuries. It has a sweet, maple syrup-like flavor making it a tasty addition to meals, teas, and tonics.
  3. Blessed Thistle: Also another promotor of breast milk production. This herb, as well as fennel and fenugreek, can be found in mothers’ milk tea you can purchase in your local grocery store.
  4. Milky Oats: It’s not oatmeal. This herb supports the nervous system. It’s a great herb for soothing irritable moods, wired and tired nerves, and exhaustion from labor and delivery. You can find Milky Oats in Urban Moonshine’s Simmer Down Tonic.
  5. Raspberry Leaf: Raspberry leaf helps prepare and tone the womb for childbirth. And it is used to support women’s reproductive health throughout the childbearing years.
  6. Nettle: Nettle is a rock star in the herbal world and is full of minerals. Nettle has nourishing qualities for skin health and nutritional support during pregnancy.
  7. Ginger: Ginger has soothing qualities and is one of the most well-known medicinal plants. With a spicy flavor that stimulates the palate, it also supports digestion. Ginger is also known to alleviate nausea and morning sickness.
  8. Chamomile:This herb is typically used to calm, relax, and promote healthy digestion. It is known to soothe the body and mind. Also, it can relieve occasional gas and bloat associated with pregnancy.

While we recommend some of our favorites here, not all herbs are appropriate for everyone. Make sure to consult your healthcare practitioner to determine which ones are right for you.

 

surrogacy in texas

Surrogacy in Texas

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Looking for a surrogate or becoming a surrogate in Texas is often preferred among many intended parents. Texas has the most surrogate-friendly judicial system. Intended parents from anywhere can come to the Lone Star state to find their life-changing surrogate, as long as the surrogate resides in Texas. This state is one of the few in the US to recognize and enforce gestational agreements. Governor Rick Perry signed House Bill 729 in 2003, which authorized surrogacy agreements between a gestational mother and intended parents. This bill was part of the Texas Family Code.

The law creates a complicated process to become simplified and straightforward. For example, it unmistakably allows intended parents to become the only legal parents and for the gestational carrier (surrogate) to relinquish all rights to the child. Once the gestational surrogacy contract is approved, a judicial order requires the intended parents only listed on the child’s birth certificate post-birth.

Laws about surrogacy vary in other states.

The American Bar Association lists four categories that describe how the U.S. handles surrogacy (some states fall into more than one category):

  • Paying for surrogacy is criminalized.
  • Surrogacy agreements are unenforceable.
  • Surrogacy agreements are recognized either through legislation or case law.
  • Surrogacy is not addressed.

Intended parents do not need to be residents of Texas.

For a valid gestational agreement, one of the parties (either an intended parent or surrogate) must be a Texas state resident. that means that out-of-state and international intended parents can use Texas law for surrogacy arrangements, as long as the surrogate is a Texas resident.

There are several requirements to obtain a valid gestational agreement in Texas.

Texas requires several considerations for the married, heterosexual couple and surrogate before validating a gestational agreement. Some requirements include:

  • The intended mother cannot carry a child or would be subject to health risks if becoming pregnant.
  • The gestational agreement must be signed by all parties and submitted to the court 14 days before an embryo transfer.
  • The surrogate maintains control regarding herself and the unborn child’s health-related decisions and issues throughout pregnancy.
  • All parties enter the agreement willfully and understand what the gestational contract involves.
  • The gestational carrier has previously and successfully delivered a child and is healthy to endure another pregnancy and delivery without unreasonable physical risk to herself or the unborn child.
  • A physician has thoroughly explained all health risks pertaining to the parties involved.
  • The agreement clearly states the party that is financially responsible for all pregnancy-associated expenses and provides for the health and safety of the surrogate and unborn child.

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate with Shared Conception, your journey can begin by filling out an application request form. Visit www.deliveradream.com for more information.

If you are interested in having a surrogate, let Shared Conceptions make your dreams of a family a reality. Give us a call today, and we will help you get one step closer to the child you have always wanted. Visit https://sharedconception.com for more information.

 

 

 

surrogacy inquiry form

Surrogacy Inquiry Form: Become a Surrogate Mother

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Many women we speak to have an apparent interest in becoming a surrogate. We appreciate every call and email, whether it is “how do I start?” or “I have a few questions…” or “what is the compensation?” Questions are welcomed and encouraged, as you should be familiar with the entire process before making such an excellent, life-altering decision. Don’t be shy; Shared Conception is a no-pressure agency that can help you decide if surrogacy is right for you.

How do I start?

Well, that’s easy. Take a look at our website. Here there is a lot of information that you can process on your own time. We cover our program, what to expect when becoming a surrogate mother, compensation, and a list of Frequently Asked Questions that can answer some of our most popular questions concerning the surrogacy process. Then, if you think surrogacy is right for you, complete our online Surrogate Inquiry Form, and we will reach out to you to answer any other questions.

I have a few questions…

More questions? No problem? We encourage you to reach out to Shared Conception with any questions about a potential journey. We love questions. With over a decade of experience, we most likely have heard it before and have the answer.

What is the compensation?

This is the question most wondered, but few feel comfortable asking. And, please know this is not a selfish question. You are legally entitled to be compensated as a gestational carrier. At the same time, we understand this is a critical aspect of the surrogacy journey. Considering the job and all the hardships of pregnancy, including nausea, a blossoming (and sometimes uncomfortable) belly, doctor appointments and visits, injections, labor, etc. – who would apply for this job for no compensation?

Why not take the next step and open a dialogue with Shared Conception? Give us a call today. We want you to be informed and excited about this beautiful journey. Also, you can visit www.deliveradream.com to begin an application to become a gestational surrogate and find out more information!

 

 

foods to avoid when pregnant

Things you can’t eat when pregnant

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There are a few fun things to avoid when pregnant, including some foods. Although food is one of the perks when pregnant, you don’t want to eat something that can make you ill or harm the baby. It’s essential to know the facts about which foods to avoid when you’re pregnant. Bottom line is that the best foods you eat need to be freshly cooked or freshly prepared. But try to avoid the following:

Hot Dogs.

As fast and convenient as a hot dog may be, you may want to steer clear of these bad boys. Along with deli meats, these can contain listeria, a harmful foodborne bacterium that can make you severely ill. Pregnant women with a listeria infection can pass this infection to the unborn child and cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and preterm labor.

Soft Cheeses.

Soft cheeses, although incredibly yummy, may also become contaminated with the listeria bacteria. It’s best to avoid cheese like blue cheese, feta, goat, brie, Roquefort camembert, queso Blanco, and fresco.

Artificial Sweeteners.

Found in diet soda, such as sucralose, aspartame, and saccharine. The FDA has approved them as safe for the general public and pregnant women. No studies conclusively show that it’s harmful to humans to consume artificial sweeteners during pregnancy. However, there is a study that found that Saccharin can cross the placenta barrier and be absorbed by the baby and, once there, is slow to leave the system. So, you may want to cut down on that artificial sweetener or substitute fruit juice, milk, or water.

Hibiscus (including tea).

Hibiscus can cause fluctuations in hormone levels which isn’t safe– especially in the First Trimester. Hibiscus Tea can also stimulate menstruation or blood flow to the uterus, which could cause bleeding, cramping, or even early labor! While hibiscus tea offers plenty of health benefits, it’s usually not recommended if you’re pregnant or lactating. Here is a list of teas that do not contain hibiscus and can be consumed safely during pregnancy.

Are you interested in learning more about surrogacy? Give us a call today. We’d love to chat! Also, you can visit www.deliveradream.com to find out more information!

 

 

 

 

 

opening up as a surrogate

Opening Up – as a surrogate

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One of the many reasons women choose to become a surrogate is to help create or build a family. With that – a lot of personal information is to be shared. Your current and past medical history are one of them, but that is expected. Some of our surrogates choose to work with intended parents who align with their beliefs, religion, and other personal preferences. There is no right or wrong regarding your conditions. It is crucial to be comfortable with your intended parents, as you do not want anything to impact the surrogacy arrangement after it begins.

 

At Shared Conception, we pride ourselves on the level of comfort and compassion provided to our potential surrogates. It is important to feel comfortable telling us what is important to you upfront when being matched. After all, you will be carrying their baby for the next 40 weeks and (most likely) building a lifelong friendship. If you have any concerns, you must let us know, and don’t be afraid to ask.

 

It is critical to think about anything you feel may impact your application and share them with us. Any past issues will not necessarily prevent you from becoming a surrogate.

 

The bottom line is that a surrogate enters into a pretty cozy relationship with the intended parent(s). That is why it is critical to be transparent and honest when entering into a surrogacy arrangement.

 

We are proud of the safe environment we have worked hard to create for our surrogates. Shared Conception will expertly act as a liaison between you and the intended parents. We will ensure that sensitive or complicated subject matters are tactfully brought up and handled. We want you to be informed, fulfilled, and satisfied, knowing you contributed to the world in a unique and precious way. Are you interested in becoming a surrogate? Give us a call today or visit www.deliveradream.com to fill out an application request form! We would love to hear from you!

using a donor embryo, egg, or sperm

Using a Donor Sperm, Egg or Embryo

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Surrogacy with donor sperm or eggs is used by many intended parents when unable to create their own embryos. It’s a great alternative when considering other ways to create, build or extend your family through surrogacy.

 

Using an Egg Donor

Egg donation for intended parents is sometimes necessary when the female intended parent responds poorly to ovarian stimulation or has significantly diminished ovarian reserve. An egg donor is typically a young, healthy woman who agrees to donate her eggs but can still carry a child. Once the donor’s eggs have been retrieved and tested, an embryo is created from the intended father’s sperm (sometimes a donor sperm; see below) and then implanted into the surrogate through IVF. Donor eggs and a gestational carrier can also help gay couples become parents.

 

Using a Sperm Donor

One of the most common situations where sperm donation comes into play in surrogacy is when a couple cannot create an embryo due to poor sperm quality or quantity. A sperm donor is found through a sperm donor agency and medically evaluated by a third-party reproductive clinic. Donors undergo extensive screening, including a review of his family’s medical history, and a semen analysis to determine sperm quality. Sperm banks also provide details about each donor’s education, appearance, hobbies, and interests. You can use this information to select the best donor for your family. Sperm donation can also help LGBTQ+ couples or women who are single moms.

 

Using a Donated Embryo

Many individuals and couples who used IVF have remaining embryos that have been frozen and do not plan to use in the future. These individuals or couples may decide that they would rather donate the embryos to another couple or individual rather than destroy them, donate them to science, or continue to store them indefinitely.

There is a varying amount of information available about the donors that created the embryos including, social, educational, personal, and family medical history.

There’s no right or wrong way to achieve your dreams when it comes to having a child. Donor sperm, eggs, and embryos allow an individual or couple to become parents when it may not be possible otherwise. If you are interested in finding a surrogate, let Shared Conceptions make your dreams of a family a reality. Give us a call today, and we will help you get one step closer to the child you have always wanted. Visit https://sharedconception.com for more information.