‘Tis the season for formally celebrating our mothers and fathers
and most of us look forward to being appreciated for our parenting prowess
and/or loving on our parents more than we normally do. However, there are those
who dread these celebrations as they are reminded that they are still childless
and yes, it hurts. They may, at some point, decide to go through the surrogacy
process and become an intended parent, but for now, it hurts.

So what to do? Here are a few tidbits Shared Conceptions thinks
may help soothe those hurting hearts.

Take care of you. 
Put yourself first.  If you can,
make a brief appearance at the Mother’s Day or Fathers Day festivities and then
go do something to make YOU happy. 
Contemplate and think about if surrogacy is best for you. Reflect on what will make you ultimately happy.  

Communicate with your significant other. While some people
are able to compartmentalize their baby struggle with little effect on their
day-to-day lives, others find it consumes their every thought and decision,
alienating them from the community and activities that were once so
meaningful.  As a result, some couples
find they disagree on the importance of attending family functions, adding tension
to their relationship at a time when they need each other for understanding and
support. Try and commit to listening and acknowledging each other’s
views, and brainstorm together on the best solution for both of you. As your
preferred surrogacy agency, Shared Conceptions is here to listen to your
concerns as you think about navigating surrogacy.

Create your own occasion. 
Mark the day with your significant other or close friends by doing fun activities.  Walk in the woods, create an intimate day
with your partner, go for a bike ride, take a weekend away at a spa or lock the
doors and watch movies and order pizza or Chinese food.  Try something new or settle on an activity
that has been gratifying in the past. 
Whatever you choose, take comfort in knowing you can still take charge
of your parenting life by researching and choosing surrogacy as a viable option
to building the family you have often envisioned.

When family building plans are delayed or derailed, take Mother’s or Father’s Day as an opportunity to remember your
accomplishments and the people in your life who have been so supportive.  After all, you haven’t
lost your talents and abilities just because you’re not a
parent.   Take time to salute the
amazing  parts of your life and
relationships. When you are ready, contact us at Shared Conceptions and we can
discuss surrogacy and the journey to parenthood. Until then, keep on
celebrating you!

You know, here at Shared Conceptions, we strive to share as much
expert information as possible about being a surrogate or an intended parent.
However, sometimes the best  information comes
first-hand from someone who is actually “living” the role. To follow
is a fascinating account of the post-birth experience from an intended parent.  

So the way it works in a hospital after a surrogate baby is
born is that they give the surrogate mom her own room and then they give baby
his own room and parents can “room in” with him.  So I slept in a hospital bed for 2 nights at
Spencer’s side. The room was next to Vanessa’s room which was fun so we were
back and forth while they were still at the hospital. Vanessa was allowed to
pick 1 other person besides herself that had access to the baby.  I got the golden ticket so S didn’t have any
access to him without Vanessa or I present. 
If I wanted to eat, I had to go to the cafeteria or something and I had
to drop baby back off in the nursery (can’t leave him with S in our room).  One time I did just that and dropped of
Spencer at the nursery.  Then, after
lunch I went to go pick him up again and a new nurse I had not seen before
answered the nursery door.  I stood there
in my street-clothes and said “I’m just here to get my baby”.  She had that look on her face like “I
know you are here to kidnap a baby and you are not going to get away with
it”.  Even while comparing our name
bands she seemed dubious.  I’m sure the
other nurses filled her in real quick after I left.

I also found it entertaining as housekeepers and other such
people came in that they would look at me and it was obvious they had no clue
how I could be so thin sitting there cross legged on my hospital bed in
hospital clothes.

I’m going to be honest here and say that I felt some guilt as
I watched swollen-bellied women hobbling down the hallway after just giving
birth.  I felt very out of place for
sure.  I felt guilty for being able to enjoy
my newborn so fully.  With my own 2
children that I gave birth to I wasn’t able to fully enjoy my babies nearly as
much because half of your attention is your own pain, exhaustion, and
breastfeeding.  But this time my newborn
had my undivided attention.  My worst
complaint was an uncomfortable hospital bed. 
Yep, I felt some guilt.

Oh, one thing S and I thought was funny was on the way home
from the hospital when the hospital financial lady called me.  She said “Vanessa says you will be
paying the bill for her……(reluctantly)…is that right?”  I told her yes and so she told me I’d have
both hers and our hospital bill prepared.

There can be so many details and emotions associated with a
surrogate pregnancy. It takes competence and compassion to ensure a smooth
journey. Shared Conceptions encompasses all that is needed to ensure that your
experience is memorable and rewarding . Call on us, we look forward to hearing
from you!

As our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, journeys through the
surrogacy process with our families and surrogates, we thought it neat to share
a different perspective of the birth. These observations  comes from a friend of the surrogate mother
immediately after she has given birth to twins and those babies are in a
neighboring room with their delighted parents. 
Read on.

“Well it was a Wednesday morning and Amanda and I were
texting madly to each other. It was the day she was going in to have the dreaded
c-section. The baby girl refused to cooperate and there was no other option.
After quite a few hours of anxious waiting, I finally got a text from Amanda –
the babies were here. She was texting back and forth to me and I said to
another friend “there is no way she is going to remember all of
this”, and sure enough she hadn’t. We had a good few laughs over the next
few weeks in remembering the texts.

I went in that night to visit her. I couldn’t believe she
wanted me to come in – I didn’t want to see anyone after my c-sections. She
waited until we were alone in the room and she said “people asked me if I
would find it hard to give up the babies, and I haven’t felt it hard at all –
is that normal?” I knew she was still rather drugged out from all of
medicines she was given, and reminded her that from day one she had made it
clear in her mind that they were not her babies and biologically they were not
hers. She seemed somewhat at ease, but that was the first time I had seen any
concern from her regarding that.

I got to see the babies briefly as I was walking into Amanda’s
room. There was a busy procession of people heading into a room nearby. I
recognized Rose and Tim from a photo Amanda had shown me. I had never met them
as they lived in another state where surrogacy is not recognized.

As I sat and chatted to Amanda, it just seemed so surreal that
here she was recovering from a major operation and pretty much right next door
was a brand new family relishing their new gifts of life that she had carried.
It was a nice interruption when Rose popped in to check on her. The friendship
and love that had blossomed between them was so evident in those few minutes, I
had to hold back the tears.”

As these experiences unfold, Shared Conception is right  there to compassionately and competently
guide both the surrogate mom and the intended parents as they move through the
various stages of the birth, including the birth and immediately afterwards.
Contact us, we can help.

Over the past decade the number of births involving surrogacy
with donor eggs and sperm has surged. What, experts wondered, does this mean
for the mental and emotional health of the growing number of kids who may or
may not know the truth about their distinctive origins?

The latest statistics from the American Society for Reproductive
Medicine (ASRM) show that the number of births involving a surrogate jumped
more than 200 percent, from 530 in 2004 to 1,179 in 2011.

For the study, experts followed 30 surrogacy families, 31 egg
donation families, 35 sperm donation families and 53 natural conception
families until the children were 10 years old. The researchers surveyed the
moms when the children were ages 3, 7 and 10 to get an idea of how
well-adjusted the youngsters were.

The most important thing, experts agree, is for parents to find a
way to tell their kids about their beginnings.

For Jill Wolfe’s kids, surrogacy seems completely natural. That,
the 42-year-old Minneapolis mom says, is because she and her husband began
explaining things early.

The couple struggled with infertility for more than 15 years
before seeking out a surrogate to carry their child. Nine months later, Wolfe
had little Eliana to hug and to hold. Two years later, Mia was added to the
family.

As soon as Eliana was old enough, Wolfe began to talk about the
surrogacy. “This
was never going to be a secret,”
she says. “It
was just part of the story, the history of what we went through to get her.
From the time she was little, we told her that mommy and daddy were very lucky
to have Megan [the surrogate] as their helper. We told her that she couldn’t grow in mommy’s tummy so Megan helped.”

Are parents better off leaving their kids in the dark about
surrogates and donated eggs and sperm? Studies on children who weren’t told about surrogacy or donated gametes have so far shown there’s no harm in remaining mum on the subject.

For its part, the ASRM has issued a statement on the issue: While
it’s still up to parents to make the choice, the Society strongly
encourages disclosure.

At Shared Conception, we are here to guide you with
statistics, years of experience and compassion. At the end of the day, only you
and your family can make these decisions, however, we are happy to help you on
this journey. We are not just a surrogacy agency, after all-we seriously care.

You have choices when thinking about adding to your family. So
why utilize a surrogacy agency instead of an independent surrogacy arrangement?

Some intended parents  independently locate their own surrogate
mother and manage all the legal, medical, financial and travel details
themselves. As you will be dealing with the various emotional aspects of the
pregnancy plus all the logistics, an intended parent can easily get
overwhelmed.

A reputable surrogacy agency will conduct thorough background
checks and screen potential candidates for any medical and psychological
issues. With an independent arrangement, you may not locate the ideal candidate
for you and your family plus you may expose yourself to a lot of negativities
and risks.

Closely working with Shared Conception or another surrogacy
agency will often eliminate a vast amount of stress, grant you access to the
most thoroughly-screened surrogate mothers, and even arrange financial and
legal assistance. Naturally, a surrogacy agency also provides consistent
psychological and emotional support as well.

A surrogacy agency arranges doctor appointments and possible
travel arrangements that need to be scheduled once the perfect surrogate
mother, for you, is chosen. A surrogacy agency 
will also expertly manage all the logistics involved such as finding
legal counsel, any administrative details, and assist with financial agreements
including, but not limited to, escrow services.

If, by chance, you have already chosen a surrogate and now need
help navigating the entire surrogacy process, a surrogacy agency is always
available to help you and your pre-designated surrogate as much as needed.

While the entire surrogacy process may be potentially daunting, a
surrogacy agency’s goal is to make the arrangement as simple and as enjoyable
as possible. Shared Conception is always at your service and can provide
emotional support while guiding you through each stage of the surrogacy
journey. We are here for you!

Let’s envision that you all, the intended parents, and the surrogate mom have met, entered into a contractual relationship and developed a mutual respect for each other. Now it’s almost time for the birth! Let’s talk about the pre-birth and hospital considerations.

-Discuss with your surrogate mom how she sees the birth experience and what she wants from you. Also discuss any labor/delivery desires or fears with us at Shared Conception.

-Establish an efficient contact plan so your surrogate mother can easily reach you when “it’s time!” Arriving at the hospital and being seen as a “team” from the beginning will help hospital staff relate to you as a unit. Staff will be more accommodating and flexible on your behalf if they see you as a respectful team.

-Find the balance with your surrogate mother regarding “supportive presence” and “hovering”. Ask her questions about her needs rather than make assumptions.

-Know hospital policies about who may attend the birth, what happens if a c-section is required, ID bands, staying at the hospital overnight, nursery or “rooming-in” policies. Shared Conception will help address these issues.

-After the birth, you will follow the baby to watch the bath, and first exams. Please check back with your surrogate mother often to give her a report and see how she is doing. Some surrogate mother’s feel left and lost at this point and remain concerned about you and the baby.

-Feel free to send flowers to your surrogate mother! We are also happy to arrange sending them.

-Take lots of pictures – pictures help surrogate mothers re-experience what happened so fast and allows them to better complete the emotional process. Plus pictures are fun to share and help others to celebrate. A lack of pictures is a regret.

-It is a joy for your surrogate mother to see you both with the baby. Spending time together in the hospital room or bringing the baby from the nursery to your surrogate mother’s room is important. If you come and go from the hospital, keep your surrogate mother informed.

-The hospital birth certificate clerk will assist you in completing the birth certificate and getting it to County Birth Records. If you need a passport before leaving you must request an expedited process. Completion of both documents will take approximately 10-15 business days. You need a certified Birth Certificate before getting a passport.

-Years of experience proves that it is BEST if a surrogate mother (with her family) and baby/babies (with new parents) leave the hospital at the same time.

-A pediatrician will see the baby at birth and prior to discharge. You may also want to check with this doctor prior to flying home. A written note from the doctor is nice to have if the airlines want documentation regarding flying with a newborn.

-Post birth contact can be difficult when contact changes from very frequent (prior to the birth) to infrequent or no contact after leaving the hospital. Our best advice is to call when you arrive home with the baby and tell your surrogate mother when you will call next. If comfortable, invite her to call if she wants – she knows you will be adjusting to a new schedule. Let communication gradually decrease as she recovers and gets back to her routine. Abrupt changes in communication can create misunderstandings.

Shared Conception is fully committed to expertly and compassionately guiding you through the pre and post-birth hospital considerations. Call on us, we are here to help.

In order for
Shared Conception to  provide a
successful surrogacy agreement, it is important that the Intended Parents be
flexible, emphatic and ready to respond to this exciting  surrogacy situation with resilience,
excitement and strength. This is why
we will gently ask questions about how the intended parents make decisions, observe
how they treat their surrogate mother and the staff of a surrogacy agency, as
well as review their lifestyle history which usually helps to reveal
personality traits.

For us, It is extremely important to find out and assess how the
Intended Parents came to the choice of having a baby through surrogacy. The
majority of Intended Parents prefer surrogacy because:

– They wish to have a child / children, who would be related to
at least one of them genetically,

– They may also wish to take part in the pregnancy as well as in
the delivery process,

– They desire to know and feel comfortable with the birth mother
of their child / children;

– They need to avoid all possible fears regarding the possibility
of returning the infant / infants to his or her surrogate family,

– There is lack of adoption opportunities in the state or
country, in which the Intended Parents reside.

The next important part of getting to know the Intended Parents
is their perception of the surrogate mother and their desire for the surrogacy
contract. It is extremely important for the peace and resolution of all
surrogacy agreement participants, if the Intended Parents will cordially
interact with their surrogate mother as well as trust her, like her and be
appreciative of her. The difficult and intense process of achieving conception,
the long pregnancy term, as well as the future years of reflection will
certainly be based on the Intended Parents being comfortable with their
potential surrogate mother.

Here at Shared Conception we believe it’s important to get to
know more about the intended parents’ beliefs and plans for the future.
What are they going to tell their child /children, and what will they tell
other people? Answers such as these can help us see the couples’ resolution and readiness for this amazing
journey on which they are about to embark!

We are not just another surrogacy agency.  At Shared Conception, we sincerely strive to
be successful in fulfilling your dreams and work hard to ensure that everyone
is emotionally healthy and satisfied. As a result, we consistently do our
research to keep our pulse on the psychological state of surrogate moms and
even their kids. Here’s some of the info we found.

• 
  A
  study by the Family and Child Psychology Research Centre at City University,
  London, UK, concluded that surrogate mothers rarely had difficulty
  relinquishing rights to a surrogate child and that the intended mothers showed
  greater warmth to the child than mothers conceiving naturally.

• Anthropological
  studies of surrogates have shown that surrogates engage in various distancing
  techniques throughout the surrogate pregnancy so as to ensure that they do not
  become emotionally attached to the baby.

• Many
  surrogates intentionally try to foster the development of emotional attachment
  between the intended mother and the surrogate child.

• Surrogates
  are generally encouraged by the agency they go through (such as Shared
  Conception) to become emotionally detached from the fetus prior to giving
  birth.

• Instead
  of the popular expectation that surrogates feel traumatized after giving birth
  to the child of the intended parents, an overwhelming majority describe feeling
  empowered by their surrogacy experience.

• Although
  surrogate mothers generally report being satisfied with their experience as
  surrogates there are cases in which they are not. Unmet expectations are
  associated with dissatisfaction. Some women did not feel a certain level of
  closeness with the couple and others did not feel respected by the couple.

• Some
  women experience emotional distress when participating as a surrogate mother.
  This could be due to a lack of therapy and emotional support throughout the
  surrogate process. Shared Conception willingly provides that support as needed.

• A
  2011 study from the Centre for Family Research at the University of Cambridge
  found that surrogacy does not have a negative impact on the surrogate’s own
  children.

• A
  recent study (involving 32 surrogacies, 32 egg donations, and 54 natural
  conception families) examined the impact of surrogacy on mother/child
  relationships and those children’s psychological adjustment at seven years
  old.  Researchers found no differences in
  negativity, maternal positivity, or child adjustment.

We are a transparent surrogacy agency that will be compassionately
straightforward with you,  and everyone
else involved, as we help make your familial dreams come true! Call on us.

Women who decide to become surrogates often say they love being pregnant and experiencing the miracle of birth, but they are finished having their own children. They also genuinely want to help a couple have a child.



While surrogates are paid for their time, it’s rare to find a surrogate who is only in this for the money. Due to psychological screening, women who are thinking primarily about compensation are likely to be turned down early in the process.



Surrogacy is not a get-rich-quick scheme; it’s a compassionate way to help bring life into this world and build a family that otherwise could not happen.                                                                        

Gestational Surrogacy is a legal arrangement where a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for a contracted third party. This unique and amazing woman, typically referred to as the ‘carrier’ or the “surrogate,” carries the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo. Through our surrogate mother program, Shared Conception deftly arranges and coordinates gestational surrogacies, whereby embryos are created with eggs from the intended mother (or egg donor) and the sperm is from the intended father (or sperm donor). These embryos are implanted in the surrogate by a process called in vitro fertilization (IVF). The surrogate is a carrier only and has no biological connection to the child.



A woman might decide to use a surrogate for several reasons.

-She may have medical problems with her uterus.

-She may have had a hysterectomy that removed her uterus.

-There may be conditions that make pregnancy impossible or medically risky, such  as severe heart disease.

-Other women choose surrogacy after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant with a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques (ART), such as IVF.



Surrogates have also made parenthood an option for people who might not be able to adopt a child. Reasons could include:

-Their age

-Their marital status

-Their sexual orientation

-A disability



Whether the intended parents will be with the surrogate during or after the birth will depend on agreements between them, hopefully decided upon earlier. Some surrogates will be happy to have the parents present, while others may request privacy for all or parts of the labor. Shared Conception will efficiently help in making these arrangements.



Assuming a happy and healthy birth occurs, the parents should get to hold the baby soon after the birth. Surrogacy is certainly a feat that impacts all parties involved. It is a dream that becomes a reality when reality didn’t seem possible!





 

At Shared Conception we sometimes get asked,  “Who are these intended parents? Who
comes looking for a surrogate?”

Intended parents are police officers, executives, teachers,
attorneys, stay-at-home moms, single dads, athletes and possibly even the
person you pass in the grocery store or who is sitting next to you in the park.
Intended parents are ordinary people desiring an extraordinary circumstance so
they can complete their family.

There are a few categories intended parents sometimes fall into.
First, there are couples who have had problems getting pregnant on their own.
Whether because of past medical problems, or not being able to carry a baby to
full term, some women’s bodies simply cannot produce a baby.

Other women who come to Shared Conception, or any other surrogacy
agency, have had medical issues such as having her uterus removed or not being
born with a uterus.  Other women may have
a disability which prevents them from reproducing. These women look toward
surrogates to fulfill their wishes of having a biological baby.

Some couples try IVF treatments without success. This can
sometimes be a costly and highly emotional avenue to take in order to have a
baby. If successful treatments are not met, these types of intended parents
also look toward surrogates to help.

For gay men, surrogacy is a way to conceive a child that is
biologically connected to one or both partners through the process of
insemination or IVF. While less common, a lesbian couple may also use a
surrogate mother if one or both partners are unable to produce an egg to be
fertilized or unable to carry a child to term.

Whatever the case, a surrogacy agency, such as Shared Conception,
is ready to help intended parents fulfill the vision they have for their
family!