“I breastfed both of my kids until they were almost 3, but I really don’t want to breastfeed my surrobabies. I do think colostrum is super important and I am happy to pump & provide at least that initial milk. However, I want the babies to bond to their parents, and nursing was, at least for me, a very close & bonding experience. I certainly hope that I get some snuggle time with them after they are born, but I imagine that I will be thrilled to sleep through the night instead of getting up to feed them!” Sweetpotatoe

“Not an intended parent, but I can understand how intended parents can feel either way. I actually had a rough time breastfeeding my own two kids, so I don’t see it as a bonding activity. It’s simply a healthier, more effective way of feeding baby, especially at the colostrum stage. If your surro is going to pump, being able to breast feed the first couple of days is much more effective at getting the milk to come in rather than pumping alone, and it’s also healthier for your surro’s postpartum recovery. That said, I can totally respect why intended parents would not be comfortable with their surro breastfeeding.” Mamabug

                                   

“My intended mother also induced lactation, and I pumped for them. (They also supplemented with formula as needed). After their son was born, he went right to his mom so she could start to nurse him right away. I was never concerned about me bonding, I just know that if I were an intended mother, it would break my heart to watch my baby being nursed by someone else. When people talk about their concerns with a surro breastfeeding, they always talk about the surrogate bonding too much. My worry would be about the baby bonding though, not the surrogate.” Cookie

“I am one of the biggest lactivists out there, but I did not want to breastfeed my surrotwins.
I found an intended mother that was going to induce lactation and it was what sealed the deal with me to match since I feel so strongly about breastmilk. I planned on pumping to help at first so that they would have colostrum and then for a few weeks. At the end of the pregnancy I asked the intended mother how the inducing was going and she said that she felt “too intimidated” to try and that she was worried that she wouldn’t make enough for two babies. I was absolutely crushed, but it was her decision. But I still could never have breastfed them. While I’m sad that their parents decided to give them formula instead of breastmilk, it just wasn’t an option for me emotionally to breastfeed them.” Pink Mama

Shared Conception will listen to you, the intended parents, as we work together to help complete your family. Of course, we will immediately refer you to the best and most appropriate physician as we navigate  our way to you all becoming parents.  Your doctor will try to improve your fertility by either correcting an underlying problem (if one is found) or trying treatments that seem like they may be helpful. Often, an exact cause of infertility cannot be identified. Even if an exact cause isn’t clear, your doctor may be able to recommend treatments that work. In many cases of infertility, the female partner also will need to be checked and may need treatment.

Treatments for male infertility include a variety of solutions.

Surgery
For example, a varicocele can often be surgically corrected or an obstructed duct repaired. Vasectomies can often be reversed. In cases where no sperm are present in the ejaculate, sperm may often be retrieved directly from the testicles or epididymis using sperm retrieval techniques.

Treating infections
Antibiotic treatment may cure an infection of the reproductive tract, but doesn’t always restore fertility.

Treatments for sexual intercourse problems
Medication or counseling can help improve fertility in conditions such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.

Hormone treatments and medications
Your doctor may recommend hormone replacement or medications in cases where infertility is caused by high or low levels of certain hormones or problems with the way the body uses hormones.

Assisted reproductive technology (ART)
ART treatments involve obtaining sperm through normal ejaculation, surgical extraction or from donor individuals, depending on your specific case and wishes. The sperm is then inserted into the female genital tract, or used to perform in vitro fertilization.

In the rare cases where male fertility problems can’t be treated, and it’s impossible for a man to father a child, your doctor may suggest that you and your partner consider either adoption or  surrogacy and may even refer you to an agency such as Shared Conception. We are here to assist you.

Momma cats and dogs do it. Expectant birds do it. And, if
you’re like many human moms-to-be, you’re doing it. What are we talking about?
Nesting–preparing your “nest” for your soon-to-arrive baby! The
difference here is that you are the surrogate mom and so you will not be taking
home this particular sweet baby. His/her intended  parents will enjoy that
life-changing moment.

However, one of the many questions we do get asked here at
 Shared Conception, is about nesting and the  surrogate.  Does
the surrogate mom still get the nesting instinct  as do the majority of
pregnant women? 

The answer in a nutshell  is a resounding
“YES.”  For the majority of surrogates, nesting happens and yes,
their house gets cleaned and all their DIY projects actually happen. After all,
your body doesn’t know that the baby won’t be permanently yours, it only knows
that it’s pregnant.

This  nesting instinct during pregnancy can be quite
powerful. Productive, as well — driving a legion of pregnant mommas to sweep
out the garage, pair up all the stray socks that have wandered into the Laundry
Room Bermuda Triangle and brighten the bathroom grout lines with a toothbrush.
If the nesting instinct hits your nest as you’re preparing for childbirth, make
the most of it — after all, you never know when this instinct will strike
again. 

                               

Here are a few nesting experiences from surrogates.

“Oh, it’s physical for me.  Nothing is safe when I
get nesting.  I make checklist after checklist and they usually get done
by the time the baby is born.  I’m sooo looking forward to it.”
Ida. 

“Nesting does happen in a surrogate pregnancy! I went
nesting crazy with DS and the house stayed so clean and organized! I even got
up the motivation to go through boxes of junk and take stuff to goodwill, which
I never do when I’m not pregnant! Ha ha.” Ally

“I had major nesting on and off the whole time. Which
was really bad since I was on bed rest. My hubby thought I was insane
sometimes. It was nice. I made six trips to Goodwill in my Ford  Expedition.”
Sarah

“Yep, I nest  a lot!!  It was nice to have
that burst of energy to do things like clean out drawers and closets and not
have it used to make a nursery!  All that energy got to benefit the family
quite a bit. :-)” Amity

Of course, every surrogate’s body is different and nesting
may not occur in each and every pregnancy. But it’s nice to know that
 even though this specific baby is being nurtured for the intended
parents, a good majority of surrogate moms still go through the ritual of nesting
while pregnant. Shared Conception encourages all surrogates to enjoy these
moments as they all form the unique experience of helping another family
complete their family.

 

 

So you are
an intended parent and your family and friends are excited about throwing you a
fun-filled and festive baby shower. 
Sounds great but for you, there is only one hiccup   Your surrogate mother happens to live
relatively close by, you all have a great rapport and you would love to include
her in all the pomp and circumstance of the baby shower.  After all, she’s the one doing the hard work–carrying
your baby!  How do you include her in your
special day when everyone else is celebrating your impending
motherhood?  

Shared
Conception has a few solutions for you.

1. If
   you can, send her and her significant other on a well-deserved mini-getaway or
   out to a nice meal.  The getaway doesn’t
   have to be extravagant, just relaxing and tasteful. If providing a quick
   getaway isn’t an option, send your surrogate mother and her family out for a
   day in her city or the nearest seaside town or splurge on nice meal for them.

2. Planning
   a separate party for her after the baby is born would be a wonderful way to
   honor her, before or after the getaway. Invite both her friends and your family
   members and toast her contribution to your family.

3. Before
   your shower guests arrive, you could potentially present your surrogate mother
   with a special gift or a gift certificate to be used any way she’d like. Also,
   feel free to include her in the shower festivities–allow her to help open
   gifts, or help you record the names of gift-givers.

                                                      

Keep in mind
that during the shower, you’re in a unique position. Most moms-to-be are fawned
over, but by that point in their pregnancy they’re typically uncomfortable and
unsteady on their feet, and sit for the duration of their showers. You can
completely set your surrogate at ease while making her as comfortable as
possible and fawn over her a bit, as you both enjoy the festivities. With a
little bit of advance planning, your shower can be for you as the new
mom-to-be, while your surrogate is comfortable while feeling useful, and after
the birth, she can indulge in her own getaway and thoroughly enjoy herself.

It’s always neat and inspirational to hear about siblings who wholeheartedly support each other through thick and thin. Here’s a true story about two sisters who shared childhood memories, family and yes, even a baby…. all through the gift of surrogacy.

*My sister and I have always been the best of friends. In fact, I can’t remember anything that we haven’t shared over the years, from the same bedroom growing up, to a beautiful baby boy born almost three years ago.
The decision to become a surrogate for my sister was a very easy one for me – in fact, she was the one that needed convincing. I never had any doubts about wanting to be my sister’s surrogate but would my husband be able to accept the situation as well as my family? I had four children of my own – the youngest, an infant at the time. With our families and church support, we continued with the process.

We were encouraged to make everything as legal as possible, which was no small undertaking as we resided in different states. We took care of all the legalities and kept moving forward.
I am very blessed to have a very giving husband who was willing to weather through the dry spells with me, but not all couples may be able to handle the “newly pregnant” side of surrogacy.
My pregnancy proceeded without any major complications. My sister and her husband were able to be there for the ultrasound when we found out “it” was a “he” – (I’ll never forget my brother-in-law’s face).

My sister took a leave of absence starting in the eighth month and came down to help me with our brood. This was a blessing, as my husband broke his leg one and a half weeks before the baby was born.
We had cleared our desire to have my sister and brother-in-law at the birth with both the doctor and the hospital – a very important detail – ahead of time, so the resulting experience was a memory I will cherish forever. As soon as my nephew was born, they laid him in my sister’s arms and her husband cut the cord and we all had a happy and relieved cry. The hospital staff was wonderful in accommodating our wishes to have my sister sleep in with me -she took over all care of the baby from the very beginning. I really feel that this helped her bond with her son and gave her the confidence she needed to feel comfortable with him. I stayed in the background as much as I could. I specifically did not try to nurse him as I had my own babies. I knew that would be testing myself a little too hard. We stayed at the hospital for two days and were all released together. My nephew went home with his Mom and Dad and Granny. And I went home to my family and Grandpa.

                                           

I really feel that I have the best of all surrogacy situations. Since my sister’s family is out of state, I have the distance that helped ease any pain of separation and yet I get to see all the pictures and have all the visits that I want. I also have the assurance that I’ll always be part of his life. Most of all, I have the satisfaction of sharing the only thing my sister and I weren’t able to share – the joys and trials of parenthood. We do plan on telling him about the special circumstances of his conception and birth someday, but for right now -I’m enjoying being called “Auntie” and hearing the joy in my sister’s voice when she says: Do you know what your nephew did today?”

Shared Conception is a surrogacy agency that is just as elated as the families involved when the surrogacy experience is so gratifying and heartwarming. Of course, whether it’s a smooth road or a rocky journey, we stand ready to competently and compassionately navigate each unique situation. We hope you have enjoyed reading and learning about a few of the families who have utilized the surrogacy process as much as we have enjoyed sharing them these last few weeks. Call on us to see how we can help you complete your family.

*True story by Joan Merchlinsky

It has been said that you start
your own life, not wait for someone to start it for you. Many single
males are doing just that, jump-starting their own lives and not waiting for
“Mrs Right” to appear before starting a family. Many of these men go
to  a surrogacy agency such as Shared Conception to start the process of
selecting the best surrogate who may have his baby. “David”  is
one of these single dads who has successfully found  the right surrogate
and is now a proud single father. 

*Time and again, on his morning commute,
David found himself scowling about the night before–yet another dead-end date.
There he was, a successful 39-year-old, with a flourishing ophthalmology
business and a decent income. All he wanted was to fall in love and start a
family–unlike so many men, he actually wanted to commit. But he never was
lucky in love.

“I had a few relationships, but
nothing ever lasted more than a year,” David shrugs. “I don’t know
why. Maybe I’m too focused on my work. Maybe it’s because I live in Flint,
Michigan–I’m sure it’s easier in New York. Also, you know, I started off
looking for a Jewish girl. Out here, we call them JAPs: Jewish-American
Princesses. I wasn’t so picky after a while.”

Every day, he would pass a billboard on
his drive to work: “Dream of having a family but can’t?” So one
morning, after “the date that broke the camel’s back,” he decided to
pay the advertised agency a visit.

That was in 2002. Now he is the father
of twin boys, 15 months old–Philip and Benjamin.

“Believe me, it’s not an easy
decision,” says David. Unassuming and soft-spoken, he seems an unlikely
candidate for such a bold step. But behind his modest demeanour lies a grim
determination. “I had to try five times over 3 years before my surrogate
got pregnant but she finally got pregnant!’  .

                                  

For David, it was an long and yes,
somewhat costly experience, but the outcome is exactly what he desired. He has
his boys, he has his family.  Shared Conception can help you fulfill your
familial desires. Connect with us and find out how. 

*with excerpts from Sanjiv Bhattacharya

Everyone dislikes uncomfortable situations. Yet, they seem to
occur far too frequently when it comes to having a baby. Sometimes, it just
seems that privacy goes out the window once you decide to start a family.
However, there are times when it’s extremely important to allow uncomfortable
situations to occur in order to ensure there are no complications in the future
— especially when it comes to surrogacy.

There is always one topic that weighs on the mind of the
intended parent. A question you need to ask to make sure you’re on the same
page with the woman who may be carrying your child in the future: What kind of
communication would you like to maintain after the birth?

                                     

First of all, surrogates never see the baby they are
carrying for a couple as theirs – they have become involved in surrogacy
because they want to help a couple have their own child.   They aren’t
trying to add another baby to their family, they want that baby to enhance your
family. 

Another  important thing to remember is that the
surrogate mother has no legal rights to your child. If you’d like to cut off
all contact with her as soon as the baby is born, you have every right to do
so. However, many intended parents  form a close bond with their surrogate
and  might want to be  Facebook friends so they can see pictures of
your kid growing up. Still others may be content merely to get a holiday card
every December. Additionally, good rapport and, in some cases, a friendship can occur through Instant Message (IM).  This type of relationship just forms naturally during the surrogacy process. As long as both parties are on the same page, anything can
work.

Shared Conception’s advice is to offer up a friendly yet minimal
amount of contact. Of course, if you and your surrogate hit it off  you
can always have more contact than you planned. Always ensure your child is
comfortable with the level of contact,very important. 

This topic may initially  seem trivial but it’s an
important topic that needs to be addressed as soon as possible so that all
parties are adhering to expectations and not reacting to a lack of
communication or a misunderstanding. Deal with all the
“uncomfortable” topics upfront so you can mentally relax and enjoy
the rest of the pregnancy!

 

 

 

What
do you think, would you carry a stranger’s baby? How about your sister’s child?
Over the last few years, surrogacy has entered our society  with
celebrities like Nicole Kidman and Sarah Jessica Parker using surrogates to complete
their families. But yet, surrogacy remains one of the least talked about tools
in the struggle against infertility. Why do surrogates do what they do? Here
are two heartfelt stories from women who have experienced  surrogacy.

 – Rayven Perkins*, 32, married, mother
to a 10-year-old girl and 11-year-old boy

“I have been a surrogate mother
three times (twins in February 2007 and a little boy in June 2008), and I’m
about to give birth this month to my fourth surrogate baby. The best part is
knowing you did this for the right reasons when you deliver the baby and the
parents finally see him or her. But there are a lot of sacrifices a surrogate
makes. There are hormone shots that my husband had to help me take for three
months, prior to the transfer and then almost through the first trimester. With
varying state laws on surrogacy, you may have to stay in state. My husband had
to turn down a promotion in another state, and I missed Christmas with my
in-laws during my 3rd trimester with twins because my doctor said I couldn’t
travel.

[As for handing the baby off] I knew
instinctually that I’m not an attached type of person. I always viewed
surrogacy as a long babysitting project. I’m going to give birth any day now
and I’m excited that the parents will be there. It’s not sad for me at all. I
have no regrets whatsoever – I’m just glad I was able to participate. We’re not
rich people. We’ll never donate a wing of a hospital, but it’s one way our
family can give back to our world in a really big way. Without our assistance,
there would be four less children in the world. We are showing our own children
how to be generous and how to sacrifice for others.”

                                      

– Natasha Skinner*, 37, married,
14-year-old son and 11-, 8-, 5- and 2-year-old daughters

“I was a surrogate for my
sister-in-law, my husband’s brother’s wife. She has cystic fibrosis so she
could not carry a child, but they could genetically create a healthy baby with
her egg and his sperm.

It was important for my husband that we
had family support, especially if I wasn’t feeling well. We already had five
kids so if that meant making a meal or driving a kid somewhere, other family
members stepped in. My mother-in-law helped tremendously. And my
sister-in-law’s family helped, mostly by providing meals or by watching the
kids when I went to the grocery store to get food.

Really the best part was at the end when
they received their baby, just to see the joy and happiness. When John and
Kelly came in, I thought she was going to faint. You could just see that they
were elated. It was very special, and it absolutely brought us closer. Giving
something is as important as receiving something.”

At the end of the day, only you, as a
potential surrogate, can make the decision to impact and complete someone
else’s family.  As you go through your decision-making process, Shared
Conception is here to guide you and answer any and all questions. Call on us. 

*Excerpts from Amy Levin-Epstein  

 

 

Let’s envision that  you
all, the intended parents, and the surrogate mom have met, entered into a
contractual relationship and developed a mutual respect for each other. Now
it’s almost time for the birth! Let’s talk about the pre-birth and hospital
considerations.

                                        

• Discuss with your surrogate mom how she sees the
  birth experience and what she wants from you. Also discuss any labor/delivery
  desires or fears with us at Shared Conception.

• Establish an efficient contact plan so your
  surrogate mother can easily reach you when “it’s time!” Arriving at the hospital and being seen as a “team” from the beginning
  will help hospital staff relate to you as a unit. Staff will be more
  accommodating and flexible on your behalf if they see you as a respectful team.

• Find the balance with your surrogate mother
  regarding “supportive
  presence” and “hovering”.
  Ask her questions about her needs rather than make assumptions.

• Know hospital policies about who may attend the
  birth, what happens if a c-section is required, ID bands, staying at the
  hospital overnight, nursery or “rooming-in” policies. Shared Conception will help
  address these issues.

• After the birth, you will follow the baby to
  watch the bath, and first exams. Please check back with your surrogate mother
  often to give her a report and see how she is doing. Some surrogate mother’s feel left and lost at this point and remain concerned about you
  and the baby.

• Feel free to send flowers to your surrogate
  mother! We are also happy to arrange sending them.

• Take lots of pictures – pictures help surrogate mothers
  re-experience what happened so fast and allows them to better complete the
  emotional process. Plus pictures are fun to share and help others to celebrate.
  A lack of pictures is a regret.

• It is a joy for your surrogate mother to see you
  both with the baby. Spending time together in the hospital room or bringing the
  baby from the nursery to your surrogate mother’s room is
  important. If you come and go from the hospital, keep your surrogate mother
  informed.

• The hospital birth certificate clerk will assist
  you in completing the birth certificate and getting it to County Birth Records.
  If you need a passport before leaving you must request an expedited process.
  Completion of both documents will take approximately 10-15 business days. You
  need a certified Birth Certificate before getting a passport.

• Years of experience proves that it is BEST if a
  surrogate mother (with her family) and baby/babies (with new parents) leave the
  hospital at the same time.

• A pediatrician will see the baby at birth and
  prior to discharge. You may also want to check with this doctor prior to flying
  home. A written note from the doctor is nice to have if the airlines want
  documentation regarding flying with a newborn.

• Post birth contact can be difficult when contact
  changes from very frequent (prior to the birth) to infrequent or no contact
  after leaving the hospital. Our best advice is to call when you arrive home
  with the baby and tell your surrogate mother when you will call next. If
  comfortable, invite her to call if she wants –
  she knows you will be adjusting to a new schedule. Let communication
  gradually decrease as she recovers and gets back to her routine. Abrupt changes
  in communication can create misunderstandings.

   

  Shared Conception is fully committed to expertly and
  compassionately guiding you through the pre and post-birth hospital
  considerations. Call on us, we are here to help.

First things first-out of 15,000 surrogacy arrangements that were
reported through 2002, only 88 resulted in any dispute between parties. (That’s
an overall dispute rate of only approximately one-half of one percent, or
.005.) The surprising part of this statistic is that only 23 of the disputes
involved a surrogate who wanted to change her mind, while 65 involved an
intended parent who wanted to change his or her mind. These informal
statistics draws attention to the fact that a complete surrogacy agreement must
contemplate not only what happens if a surrogate changes her mind, must also
contemplate what happens if an intended parent changes his or her mind.

The legal answer as to what a court will do if a surrogate or
intended parent changes his or her mind varies from state to state depending on
the individual statutes and case law (court decisions) of each state. Thus,
there may be 50 different answers to that question, and such a discussion is
beyond the scope of this blog. However, a complete analysis  of the specific laws of the state in which
the surrogate resides,  with the
assistance and advice of an attorney licensed to practice in that state and
experienced in surrogacy, is important.

The contractual answer as to what will happen if either party
changes his or her mind about the agreement is much more straightforward.
The  terms of the surrogacy agreement as
to what happens if either party breaches the agreement are well within the
control of the respective parties and their separate attorneys. First, the
parties must determine what actions constitute a breach of the agreement. Second,
they must decide which available procedural forums (court, arbitration,
mediation, etc.) will govern any such dispute. Finally, they must decide what
each party’s contractual remedies will be upon certain types of breach by the
other.

All this legal “talk” is just a way of getting to your
goal as an intended parent -to hold your sweet baby and complete your family.
All this legal “talk” is just a way of getting  closer to your role as a surrogate mother -to
help another individual or family realize their dream of having children.

                             

Shared Conception and it’s legal team knows how to expertly tread
the legal waters. Call on us-we are happy to work with you!