It’s almost 2015, but we, at Shared Conception, realize that surrogacy can somewhat still be a “mysterious” topic or carries a stigma. People sometimes don’t know how to react when their friend or loved one says they used or are currently using a surrogacy.  As a result, Jimmy Fallon’s recent announcement that both his daughters were born via surrogacy, has revived the conversation about infertility, intended parents and surrogates.  Here’s Sarah Elizabeth Richard’s, time.com, perspective.

                                         

 “It’s no wonder then that talk-show host Jimmy Fallon waited two weeks after the birth of his daughter Winnie Rose to reveal that she was carried by a surrogate. “My wife and I had been trying for a while to have a baby,” Fallon told Today’s Savannah Guthrie on Friday morning. “We tried a bunch of things. So we had a surrogate.”

Fallon’s openness came as a surprise, considering that most celebrities have been notoriously mum on the subject. Who can blame them? Remember all the rampant speculating about whether Kate Middleton had infertility problems? And — gasp! — was Baby George conceived via IVF?

To date, Hollywood stars having baby-making troubles haven’t received much public sympathy, amid criticism of being able to “buy” their way out of fertility problems with expensive medical help that many Americans can’t afford.

But the narrative turns extra nasty when other people’s reproductive parts, such as rented wombs or donor eggs, are involved. When actresses Sarah Jessica Parker and Nicole Kidman revealed they had used surrogates, they were accused of hiring these other women in order to spare their own bodies from the ravages of pregnancy — as if these women chose this route for cosmetic reasons, when both had publicly shared their battles with infertility.”

Surrogacy allows intended parents to have the kids they have always dreamed of and the family they had hoped to create and raise. Surrogacy mothers are the women who successfully carry these babies while managing their own personal  lives and families. Surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, match and facilitate gestational surrogacy arrangements with surrogate mothers and intended parents. There is a beauty in creating families that our surrogacy agency anticipates and enjoys. We encourage these positive surrogacy conversations and celebrity  transparency as we move forward into the next year. Happy holidays!

Wait, what?! Jimmy Fallon is now a dad of two!

The Tonight Show host and wife Nancy Juvonen have shocked the world with the surprising news that another cutie has been added to the family. The pair welcomed their second child on Wednesday, Dec. 3, NBC confirms to E! News. And the proud parents have already revealed the name of their new baby girl.

“Frances Cole Fallon officially entered the world at 8:45 a.m. on December 3, weighing 5 lbs., 11 ounces and is 18.5 inches long,” the couple’s rep told us in a statement, and noted that the couple chose to keep the pregnancy a secret until their child was born.

“Their new addition joins big sister, Winnie Rose, 1. The couple opted to keep their baby joy to themselves until their new daughter, Frances Cole, made her official debut. Both Fallon babies were born via surrogate.

                                                         The Fallon’s daughter, Winnie Rose.

                         

 NBC also tells E! News, “Due to unexpected but delightful circumstances, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon has had to cancel tapings for today and tomorrow.”

Fallon and his wife welcomed their first child Winnie Rose in July 2013, and although the 40-year-old admitted that adjusting to parenthood was a little rough, he couldn’t help but gush about his precious little lady.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired. But basically it’s a weird type of tired, where it’s like you’re so tired but you don’t feel exhausted, you feel like, ‘I just have to do this, so I’m gonna keep moving through this pace.’ It’s fun, it’s fun tired because you’re just excited to what she does next. It’s exciting,” he said at the time.

“Last night we were giving her a sponge bath and she loves it when you put the water on her head, her little head, she has a tiny little round head…She’s a great baby. Doesn’t cry.”

Let’s hope that trend continues!

People was first to report the news.
—Reporting by Marc Malkin from eonline.com

As our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, prepares for the holiday season, we are thankful and grateful for our family, friends, colleagues, intended parents and surrogate mothers. We are thankful for all of you! We won’t keep you long on this Black Friday but we did want to leave you with these thoughts from a pregnant blogger, Taza.

“I’m a true believer that life is all about perspective.  I can focus on my blessings, or I can focus on the ones I don’t  have. There have been times in my life when I’ve  only focused on what I hadn’t yet reached, or didn’t have, always feeling like I’d be happy or grateful once I reached a certain point or a certain something happened, etc etc. but as I’ve gone through some bigger personal trials and obstacles in my life, I’ve realized the energy it takes to just be down about them all day long is too overwhelming and exhausting for me to take.  Sometimes it’s easier to let things go and trust in God and make a choice every day to be happy. I don’t have this sort of mentality down 100%, but when I work towards it, I’m aware of how much easier it is to get through my day to day, and I think I’m  a little bit more pleasant to be around, too. 😉

I’m  thankful for my life, my beautiful growing family, and the chance to live in my favorite city. I’m  thankful to be pregnant, for good food, for music and the holidays, for donuts even if I eat too many of them…I’m thankful for smaller sillier things like dry shampoo and maternity jeans and christmas lights and good smelling candles. I’m thankful for the working subway elevators, the express trains, the few but so good and so loyal friends of mine who are always there and always have my back.  I’m  thankful to be a daughter of God, to be a woman, to be a mother. I’m  thankful for this season, and thanksgiving in particular, because it’s always a nice time to take into account what a beautiful world this one really is, even with all its ups and downs, and how much we have to be thankful for.”

Before the hustle and bustle of this holiday season gets into full swing, Shared Conception encourages us to take a deep breath, look around your life and be thankful. 

                                   

Note: As of the writing of this Shared Conception blog, Joan Lunden, a radio and television personality, is battling  breast cancer. She has two sets of twins through the gift of surrogacy and loved both of her experiences (the same surrogate was used for both pregnancies). To follow are excerpts of an article written in 2004 detailing some of her surrogate experiences. Lunden currently lives in Connecticut with her second husband and their four children. She has three daughters, Jamie, Lindsay, and Sarah, from her first marriage.

For many fans, who cheered Joan Lunden on through three pregnancies during her 17 years cohosting GMA and sighed contentedly when, eight years after a bitter divorce, she wed Konigsberg, the big surprise is that Lunden has chosen at 52 to build on her brood of three grown daughters. “Even before I met Jeff, I really wanted to find somebody who wanted to have a family,” says Lunden. For men and women battling fertility problems, the bigger headline is that Lunden and Konigsberg, 42, are enjoying such a happy, stress-free experience with surrogacy, a word that often conjures up images of heart-wrenching custody battles. “You usually only hear about surrogacy when there’s a horror story,” says Lunden. “Word needs to get out that it is a viable option if done safely and correctly with a good agency so everyone is protected.” As for Lunden, the prospect of twins seems a great adventure. “I’m not the typical fiftysomething. I don’t even have a second thought about it,” she says. “I’m choosing a lifestyle where I will have a couple of little ankle biters chasing me around for the next 10 years. I want it!

If all goes according to plan, on or around June 9, Bolig, 42, also a mother of three girls, will give birth in Cincinnati to twins with whom she has no genetic connection. Konigsberg provided the sperm; a different woman (perhaps Lunden — she declines to say) provided the eggs. Embryos that resulted from in vitro fertilization (IVF) were then implanted in Bolig, the “gestational surrogate.” Lunden and Konigsberg, who at this point are called the intended parents, will be on hand for the delivery, at which point they will become the actual parents, with only their names listed on the birth certificates. Why are they so confident about a happy ending? “This,” says Lunden, “is a journey that started quite a while ago.”

In November ’96, to be precise. By then Lunden, recovered from the 1992 collapse of her 13-year marriage to TV producer Michael Krauss and still months from her bruising ouster by GMA execs, was ready again for love. Seated in a suburban deli, she spotted Konigsberg. “He had this great smile,” Lunden recalls, “and I said, ‘Why can’t I meet a nice man like that?’ ” A moment later Konigsberg, who owns and directs children’s summer camps in Maine, walked up to her table. “There was an unbelievable instant connection between us,” says Lunden. The relationship progressed quickly. A few months later, she says, “I did a fertility test, just to make sure. You want to know what your options are.” The tests indicated that pregnancy was still a possibility.

After they married in April 2000, they turned immediately to IVF to try to get Lunden pregnant. “I think we went through five attempts,” says Lunden. “They were disappointments, obviously, and big ones. I love being pregnant, and I wanted to do it so Jeff could have that experience.” About a year ago, Konigsberg told her, “I really think time is of the essence.” Hoping to maintain a biological connection, they decided to investigate surrogacy first. “Adoption wasn’t the next step for us, which is funny because my brother Jeff is adopted,” says Lunden. After doing research on the Internet and speaking with friends who had enjoyed positive surrogate experiences, they made an appointment at the Center for Surrogate Parenting (CSP) in Encino, north of Los Angeles. The choice of venue was deliberate: unlike most states, California favors the intended parents should a custody dispute arise.

 

 

 

During six hours of interviews with the center’s staff, the couple voiced their concerns. “How can you be assured that (the surrogate) is clean-living and not smoking or drinking?” Konigsberg asked. Lunden wondered, “Do you have to worry about the person keeping the baby?” Their concerns eased when they learned that each month CSP screens hundreds of applicants, from which only six are selected. “The surrogates have had their own biological children, and they are financially solvent,” says Konigsberg. “The center makes sure everyone is on the same page.” After discussing how much contact the pair wanted with the surrogate before, during and after the birth, the staff decided Bolig was the best candidate for them.

Then Lunden and Konigsberg needed to convince Bolig that they were the right couple for her. “We sat down and wrote Deborah a letter,” says Lunden. “I was nervous.” She needn’t have been. “In the letter the overall feeling was that they loved children,” says Bolig. Last August Lunden and Konigsberg traveled to Cincinnati. “Talk about the ultimate blind date!” says Lunden. Both women remember feeling an immediate bond. “Once I got over ‘Oh my God, it really is Joan Lunden,’ I forgot they were a high-profile couple,” says Bolig. “I thought they were a really loving, wonderful couple.” Pete says he found them “extremely down-to-earth and easy to talk to.”

Over the course of that lunch, Lunden and Konigsberg realized that Deborah, a proofreader for a bookbinding company, was in this for more than the roughly $22,000 she will earn as a CSP surrogate. (For Lunden and Konigsberg, the tab will be closer to $65,000 when medical and legal costs are factored in.) She told them that at 25, she first read about surrogacy and “knew that I wanted to do it.” So much, in fact, that prior to marrying Pete in 1988, she expressed her interest. Last February Deborah delivered twin boys for a British couple. “At the birth, I felt such pride,” she recalls. “I just created a family for them!” Lunden says she and Konigsberg “liked that Deborah had gone through it before, understood it, knew what she was getting into.” Lunden left the lunch convinced that “Deborah would take care of these children like they were her own.”

Pete’s support was also critical. “You need to have the right kind of spouse who’s going to really embrace this,” says Konigsberg. “He has the responsibility of taking care of their three daughters and making sure his wife is comfortable.” Their early impressions of Pete, 49, a corporate health and safety project manager, have been borne out. “He’s very protective of Deborah, Joan and me,” says Konigsberg. Pete says, “I get the benefit, by marriage, of being around.”

On Oct. 10 at a hospital near L.A., Lunden held Deborah’s hand as the embryos were transferred to Deborah’s uterus. “Jeff left the room when we actually did the stirrup thing,” Lunden says, laughing. Relations grew intimate so quickly that both were in the room for the first ultrasound on Nov. 7. “Deborah was lying down,” Konigsberg recalls. “The doctor said, ‘Would you like to hear the second heartbeat?’ And I said, ‘We’re having twins?’ I looked at Joan. … I gave Deborah a kiss. … Then, I kissed Joan.” Says Lunden, with a laugh: “He didn’t know who to kiss first!”

Since then the couples have been in constant contact. The women speak daily; the husbands exchange e-mails. “Joan,” says Bolig, “is easy to talk to because she remembers what it’s like to be pregnant.” Lunden knows all about her surrogate’s first 12 weeks of morning sickness and her ongoing heartburn, as well as the twins’ every kick and hiccup. “She really gives me a sense of the pregnancy,” says Lunden, “so I can enjoy the experience.”

Lunden’s daughters — Jamie, 22, Lindsay, 19, and Sarah, 15 — are also getting a vicarious thrill. “Lindsay says, ‘I want to go pick everything out with you,’ ” says her mom. As for Sarah, the only one who still lives at home, “She’s really psyched she’s not going to be the youngest anymore.” All three daughters, says Lunden, will make great babysitters. “This experience has made our family that much closer,” says Konigsberg. “At a time when these girls are gaining independence, this has been an experience where they have been able to come back to the nest.” While the Boligs’ girls (Alexandra, 14, Victoria, 12, and Kate, 11) understand that the babies are not their siblings, they too are delighting in the pregnancy. “They’ve said they are proud of me,” says Bolig. “They tell their friends, ‘My mom’s a surrogate.’ “

Back home in suburban Connecticut, Lunden and Konigsberg have already picked out cribs and changing tables, though not names. For the last month they’ve been practicing late-night feeding shifts in their six-bedroom modern house. “I’ll say, ‘Honey, you get a good night’s sleep — tonight I’ll take care of the twins,'” says Konigsberg, smiling. “So when they actually arrive, it will be Joan’s turn.” As they look ahead to the delivery, they talk about the day they’ll tell the twins about their origins. “I’m going to say, ‘Kids, your mommy needs to tell you something,’ ” Konigsberg jokes. “Not only will we tell them,” says Lunden, “but hopefully they’ll meet the Boligs at some point. Our hope would be that Deborah and Pete remain part of our lives and connected to us forever.”

 

When a family member proposes to become a Surrogate Mother, it may seem like a dream come true for the intended parents. Of course it is more comforting to have personal knowledge of the medical history as well as the background of the surrogate mother! However, such family closeness can lead to other areas of difficulty. That is why it is extremely important to carefully evaluate the situation and take the following issues into consideration.

1)Surrogate Mother’s Fee and Expense Reimbursement
It is quite possible that the surrogate mother may consider her participation in the surrogacy agreement as an “act of love”and so she refuses any financial compensation. Some Intended Parents are actually uncomfortable with this “imbalance and as a result, contributes to the surrogate’s children’s’ college fund or sends the entire family on a deluxe vacation after the delivery.  This is perfectly acceptable and should be stated in writing.

2)Psychological Evaluation
A surrogacy agency, like Shared Conception,  will  help schedule a thorough psychological evaluation for someone’s sister, cousin, aunt, niece, etc. Most evaluations include an oral interview and a written psychological test.

3)Independent Legal Counsel
Although, members of a family may desire to keep their dealings on an informal level, we must remember that a surrogacy is a legal arrangement, which involves an  important legal transaction. The surrogate mother is placing herself at great risk physically as well as financially. While the surrogate may want to waive her right to independent counsel with the aim of avoiding legal fees, Shared Conception highly encourages them not to do so because the attorney serves several critical functions important to the surrogacy process. Shared Conception works with highly trained attorneys who are ready to represent your best interests.

4)Guardianship
Before an embryo transfer or an insemination procedure, it is necessary to have a provision for guardianship of the child in the gestational agreement.  This way, all expectations are realistically managed.

5)Counseling Facilitation
Shared Conception, or any other surrogacy agency, can arrange family counseling before the beginning of the assisted reproductive cycle as, from experience, we know that family members  may  ride a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. It is also possible that a lot of unresolved family issues may surface during this stressful period of time. In case of a failed pregnancy attempt, the surrogate mother may begin to blame herself while the Intended Parents  may be hiding their feelings of loss while trying to take care of others. Counseling can provide help to all participants of the surrogacy agreement in their moving through the grieving process and in deciding on a next step.

Shared Conception also has a “Designated Surrogate” program is that has found its niche in the industry! This program is for those who have identified their own surrogate and now need to efficiently navigate the surrogacy process until the baby is born.  It includes all the above services except for interviewing, screening and locating a surrogate for the intended parents.

All in all, if participants are dealing with an unresolved family issue  or a misguided sense of obligation, then using a family member as a surrogate mother may result in difficulties throughout the pregnancy as well as far beyond it. However, if  there is adequate preparation, then using a family member as a surrogate mother can become a rewarding experience for the entire family.  Shared Conception is equipped and ready to help.  Call us.

Drafting a surrogacy contract is a complicated thing to do, and only qualified lawyers should fulfill such a mission. Shared Conception works with a few highly efficient  attorneys who can assist you on this journey.

The below-mentioned checklist of items is designed to  help you think about what terms you want your surrogacy contract  to contain, regardless  of your role in this agreement. It is important to note that the intended parents  and the surrogate need an objective and  independent consultation-such as Shared Conception- to ensure their best interests are protected and to evade a potential conflict of interest.

It is essential the surrogacy contract legally protects both sides, but it also must contain a careful scheme of any fees that will exchange hands. If there should ever be a problem, the contract will certainly  be the first document to solve it. Therefore, it is extremely important that it is precise and accurate to both parties’ interests and demands.

                                                         

To follow is a list of different kinds of fees the surrogate carriers would like to include in their surrogacy contract:

Basic Fee
Base fees are  probably the main thing the surrogate and the intended parents should initially discuss.

Expenses
It is very important that the contract breaks down the fees that will be disbursed. Most contracts usually have the whole sum divided into monthly payments.

Transfer or Insemination Fee
A fee the surrogate should include is a transfer/insemination fee.

Invasive Procedures
The invasive procedure is any manipulation done in a place where they have to enter the surrogate’s body. For instance, it may be the amniocentesis. This can be a really uncomfortable procedure which may translate into compensation.

Maternity Clothing Allowance
Usually the surrogate will ask the intended parents to cover  her clothes expenses.

Monthly Allowance
A monthly allowance is other unplanned expenditures the surrogate would like to include in the contract.

Multiples Pregnancy
This is remuneration for the uneasiness of carrying multiples. This money can be paid out monthly, or it can be given as a lump sum later.

Premature Birth
It is up to the involved parties to decide on compensation to the surrogate for premature births. Some contracts state if the child is born before 32 weeks gestation, the surrogate will get some percentage of the full sum. If the child is born after 32 weeks, the carrier will receive her full compensation.

Miscellaneous
Some other things to be included in the contract are stated here.
-insurance premiums,  [this is paid by the surrogate if she already has insurance]
-life insurance payments,
-any travel expenses,
-any legal fees accrued during the pregnancy and finally,
-all medical costs not covered by the surrogate’s insurance.

Drafting the best surrogacy contract that protects the intended parents and the surrogate mother’s interests is of the upmost importance. Shared Conception is here to walk with you through this all-important process. Do call us.

One often wonders how intended parents deal with the emotions associated with their surrogate suffering a miscarriage. Not only do they have to deal with their own grief and feelings of helplessness but they also have to deal with the surrogate and her feelings of loss and disappointment in not immediately being able to “deliver” for the intended parents. Here is how Bill and Guiliana  Rancic (she’s from E! TV) got through the initial shock of their surrogate’s miscarriage (in front of realty tv cameras).

The couple revealed that their surrogate, Delphine, suffered a miscarriage, and Bill opened up about what happened during an interview on E! News with Jason Kennedy.

                     

“This whole season on Giuliana and Bill we’ve been trying to have another baby. Unfortunately our surrogate Delphine who we love very much had a miscarriage. It’s something that we didn’t see coming. We were devastated. She was about nine weeks pregnant. We were pretty close to getting into the safe zone. We experienced a miscarriage years ago when we were trying with Giuliana, so we had been keeping the pregnancy news tight to the vest.”

At least the saddened parents understand that sometimes these things are just a part of the circle of life, and that the surrogate had nothing to do with it. Bill added:

“Delphine is amazing. We hit the surrogate lottery when we met her. Obviously this was no fault of hers. It’s a double sadness because we didn’t want her to feel bad. And Giuliana was rather distraught at first, but she’s tough. In times like this we rely on our faith. Once the tears went away we started to look towards the future.”

Guilian continued, “It’s really about knowing there’s a bigger plan at play, so for some reason, it wasn’t meant to happen this way. It’ll all be clear one day soon.”

And getting such news was a little difficult with all of the cameras around shooting their realty show, Giuliana & Bill, so Guiliana explained that they had to take a different approach.

“I gotta say, though, in that clip, what really happens there—you know, you’re getting this call and there’s cameraman around you and all these people and Bill and I kinda looked at each other like, ‘You know what? Let’s just  make this call short and let’s get off camera and talk to the doctor more about this,” she said.

“We’re kinda in shock, but we had to take the conversation off-camera when some things have to be private, especially when you’re first learning information like that.”

Whether they are surrogates or biological mothers, miscarriages, unfortunately, occur and the devastation to all parties is great. Shared Conception stands ready to compassionately help navigate these unexpected paths and get back on-track. Call us. We can help you.

Surrogacy relationships require excellent communication and empathy on both sides. The intended parents need empathy for the woman entering surrogate motherhood, but naturally have a lot of worries and questions regarding the pregnancy.

The surrogate has to understand that the intended parents, who have no direct control over the pregnancy, are naturally concerned. Yet, the surrogate has to insist upon healthy boundaries and maintain her own right to live her life and be happy.

There is a lot of trust involved in these surrogacy relationships, and things can get complicated when problems arise. Shared Conception is here to guide you through these sometimes uncharted territories.

The best way to maintain communication throughout a surrogate relationship is to agree on a schedule for updates throughout the pregnancy. This simply establishes a schedule for communication so some boundaries can be established in the relationship.

It does not mean communication cannot occur more frequently if needed. It just means there are times the intended parents are guaranteed to get updates on the pregnancy without intruding upon the surrogate mother and her life.

One of the biggest causes for conflict in a surrogate relationship is the issue of control during the pregnancy. Surrogate pregnancy naturally gives the surrogate much control, even when the baby was not formed using the surrogate’s egg. Since the baby is growing in her body, she is directly responsible for doing everything required to ensure a healthy baby at the end of the pregnancy. Even if she does everything right, there is no guarantee of a perfect baby in the end. This has the ability to turn many well-meaning intended parents into micro-managers, causing the surrogate mother unnecessary stress.

Open and consistent communication can solve a lot of the problems in this aspect of surrogacy relationships, but empathy is needed from the surrogate. It is important for the surrogate to acknowledge the natural anxiety in the intended parents and to understand that their questions come from a place of concern for their unborn child. The surrogate that keeps the intended parents updated on everything happening with the pregnancy and answers questions patiently will have a much better relationship with the intended parents.

Yet, intended parents must also acknowledge the rights of the surrogate to have a life while pregnant, which includes some amount of privacy. If an update schedule is determined in the beginning, surrogacy relationships should naturally develop boundaries in this aspect.

Open communication and empathy will increase the chances of a successful surrogacy relationship. The best you can do is be aware of potential problems that may arise and plan accordingly in the very beginning of your relationship. Shared Conception is here to help structure the foundation of the surrogate/intended parents relationship. Connect with us.

 

Surrogacy relationships require excellent communication and empathy on both sides. The intended parents need empathy for the woman entering surrogate motherhood, but naturally have a lot of worries and questions regarding the pregnancy.

The surrogate has to understand that the intended parents, who have no direct control over the pregnancy, are naturally concerned. Yet, the surrogate has to insist upon healthy boundaries and maintain her own right to live her life and be happy.

There is a lot of trust involved in these surrogacy relationships, and things can get complicated when problems arise. Shared Conception is here to guide you through these sometimes uncharted territories.

The best way to maintain communication throughout a surrogate relationship is to agree on a schedule for updates throughout the pregnancy. This simply establishes a schedule for communication so some boundaries can be established in the relationship.

It does not mean communication cannot occur more frequently if needed. It just means there are times the intended parents are guaranteed to get updates on the pregnancy without intruding upon the surrogate mother and her life.

One of the biggest causes for conflict in a surrogate relationship is the issue of control during the pregnancy. Surrogate pregnancy naturally gives the surrogate much control, even when the baby was not formed using the surrogate’s egg. Since the baby is growing in her body, she is directly responsible for doing everything required to ensure a healthy baby at the end of the pregnancy. Even if she does everything right, there is no guarantee of a perfect baby in the end. This has the ability to turn many well-meaning intended parents into micro-managers, causing the surrogate mother unnecessary stress.

Open and consistent communication can solve a lot of the problems in this aspect of surrogacy relationships, but empathy is needed from the surrogate. It is important for the surrogate to acknowledge the natural anxiety in the intended parents and to understand that their questions come from a place of concern for their unborn child. The surrogate that keeps the intended parents updated on everything happening with the pregnancy and answers questions patiently will have a much better relationship with the intended parents.

Yet, intended parents must also acknowledge the rights of the surrogate to have a life while pregnant, which includes some amount of privacy. If an update schedule is determined in the beginning, surrogacy relationships should naturally develop boundaries in this aspect.

Open communication and empathy will increase the chances of a successful surrogacy relationship. The best you can do is be aware of potential problems that may arise and plan accordingly in the very beginning of your relationship. Shared Conception is here to help structure the foundation of the surrogate/intended parents relationship. Connect with us.

In what’s used to be a well-kept secret, some women have used surrogates for more social reasons, not for reasons relating to infertility.

*“I call these cases designer surrogacy,” says Lori Arnold, MD, a northern San Diego fertility doctor. She says that she’s worked with a socialite “who didn’t want to get fat,” a runner who had an upcoming marathon, and a fellow MD who Arnold says, “couldn’t really afford to be pregnant—some women work right up to the moment they deliver, but others can be bedridden for several months.”

Woman who choose surrogacy for purposes other than infertility, may indeed, be judged. Many believe pregnancy should not be treated as an inconvenience. Many celebrities have been criticized for using a surrogate to prevent stretch marks or interrupting film schedules.

The first United States surrogacy contract written in 1976, caused speculation that we’d become a divided nation of breeders and then the wealthy who exploit them. There are some states, such as Texas and California that allow it, while others ban it altogether. In 2012, guidelines issued by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), state that surrogacy should only be used “when a true medical condition precludes the intended parent from carrying a pregnancy or would pose a significant risk of death or harm to the woman or the fetus. The indication must be clearly documented in the patient’s medical records.” In Texas, there has to be a medical necessity for someone to do surrogacy.

David Smotrich, MD, a San Diego fertility specialist who’s widely regarded as the world leader in the field, even offers a scientific rationale for social surrogacy, “If you take the same embryo, there’s a medical benefit to putting it in a woman who’s been pregnant before; we have proof that her uterus works,” he says, estimating that using a tried-and-true womb can boost IVF success rates by up to 20 percent.

But what is the definition of “medical need?” Paula Amato, MD, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland, who helped write the ASRM’s strict ethics guidelines, said it would be appropriate for doctors to offer the option to patients who suffer from severe anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. “We give a lot of leeway to doctors to make those decisions,” she says.

There are other potential candidates and situations that parents who want a family face. For example: an intended mother at risk for postpartum depression or one who has had a difficult first pregnancy.

As for Shared Conception (a Texas-based surrogacy agency), we have never agreed to work with clients interested in designer surrogacy. We have, however, seen cases where there is a mental reason, such as the intended mother being on anxiety medications or where the intended mother had a high-risk pregnancy the first time and has anxiety over having another high-risk pregnancy. These scenarios do exist and Shared Conception understands and is happy to assist.

Shared Conception wants you to share your thoughts with us- do you believe in designer surrogacy?

 *some content from Sarah Elizabeth Richards

Inducing lactation refers to the process of making milk without pregnancy and birth.  In a typical breastfeeding situation, the hormones of pregnancy and the changes that these hormones undergo at birth cause a woman’s breasts to start producing milk.  When an intended mother doesn’t experience pregnancy and birth because her baby has arrived through surrogacy, she can still produce milk by giving her body messages to produce milk.

How does an intended mother give her body messages to make milk without pregnancy and birth?

Step 1:  Prepare Your Breasts for Making Milk
If you want, you can start the process of inducing lactation by preparing your breasts to make milk as would happen during a pregnancy.  You can do this with physical techniques such as breast massage, nipple stimulation, or partner suckling.  You can also do this with medications, either pharmaceutical or herbal.

Step 2:  Start Making Milk before your Baby Arrives
If you wish and there is the lead time, you can start making milk before your baby arrives.  Typically this is done by expressing with an electric breast pump many times throughout the day, although some women find hand expression very helpful as well.  Medications, either pharmaceutical or herbal, can be also be used to potentially boost the output from pumping or hand expressing.

Step 3:  Breastfeeding and Making More Milk
This is the wonderful, amazing point when you can start breastfeeding your baby — whether you are making a significant amount of milk, barely drops, or no milk at all.  Many intended mothers will use an at-breast supplementer so that they can breastfeed as much as possible even they are not producing all the milk their baby needs.  And, as in Step 2, including pharmaceutical or herbal medications, can help some intended mothers make more milk.  Some intended mothers will continue to pump or hand express after or between breastfeeding in order stimulate more milk production.

Methods for Inducing Lactation
Several protocols are available which lay out specific directions for each step.  An overview of each are described below (in ascending order of complexity).

Traditional Protocol:  This is a very simple protocol based on observations of mothers in developing countries.  It simply involves waiting until your baby arrives, and breastfeeding very frequently.  Whatever the baby does not get from breastfeeding is supplemented using a cup.

Avery Protocol:  The Avery protocol involves manual stimulation of your breasts and nipples to start the process rolling, then breastfeeding with an at-breast supplementer when your baby arrives.

Pumping Protocol:  This protocol, unlike those above, makes use of a multi-user breast pump to stimulate the breasts to start making milk before baby arrives. Then, when baby arrives, you begin breastfeeding using an at-breast supplementer as needed.

Herbal Protocol:  This protocol resembles the Pumping Protocol with the addition of herbs reputed to build mammary breast tissue or boost hormones responsible for making milk.

Newman-Goldfarb Protocol:  This popular protocol for inducing lactation is the most involved of them all.  It begins with several months of pharmaceutical medications to simulate the hormonal state of pregnancy.  Then the pharmaceutical medications shift simulating birth, and you begin pumping with a multi-user breast pump for several weeks prior to baby’s arrival.  Once baby arrives, you begin breastfeeding using an at-breast supplementer as needed.

You can use one of these protocols if you find one that suits you, or use them as a guidelines for creating your own individualized plan. Call us at Shared Conceptions and we will help guide you.

*some content from Alyssa Schnell, MS, IBCLC