“Oh man – oh man – oh man. UGH! I was just starting to feel better. No more nausea, no more vomiting; I can finally keep things down and morning sickness was slowly becoming a thing of the past. Then…BAM! I’ve got a cold. That stuffy, achy, icky-ness feeling that I wish would just go away. With so many changes already going on in my body and so many things I can’t do, eat or take during pregnancy, this is just the icing on the cake isn’t it? What can I do? What can I take? Is it worth it, or do I just suffer? Blah….”

Luckily, most doctors have a list of “approved” products that are safe for you and the baby. Unfortunately, it’s a rather short list and even shorter during your first trimester. Good-old-fashioned-home-remedies may even work better for you. However, always, always, always check with your health care provider and referring your surrogate contract before taking anything herbal or over the counter. Even if it’s what your mom, your grandma and your great-grandma took and what all your friends suggest. It’s better to double check with the pros and be safe than sorry. You never know for sure what new discoveries have been made in the last couple of years and for the safety of that little one (and you) it’s always best to ask beforehand. There is never such a thing as too many, or too stupid, a question when it comes to your health. That is especially true when it comes to prenatal care. Also, that stuffy nose you’ve got may not even be a cold in the first place.

A lot of woman, (around 30%), are congested during their pregnancy, it’s a condition called Rhinitis of Pregnancy, and it has nothing to do with allergies or a viral infection. It has to do with the high amounts of estrogen and blood in your body causing swelling in the mucus membranes and blood vessels in your nose. This leads to congestion, runny nose, sneezing and mild headaches.. Your risk of sinus infections also increases when you are pregnant, so if you feel pressure, pain, are coughing, have a fever, swelling or any other symptoms, contact your provider for help.

Another culprit are those pesky allergies that you had before the pregnancy. They run amuck once you get pregnant and can increase in potency. There are a few medications a doctor can prescribe for you that are safe to take, but it may be best to just try to stay away from the source for a while, considering that you can get pregnancy rhinitis on top of any of these lovely allergies.

                                              

What you can do is this: keep elevated and use pillows, pillows and more pillows. Take them all from your partner. You’re allowed…seeing as you are probably kicking off all of the covers anyway, it’s a fair trade. Drink plenty of liquids and hang out in your warm bathroom after a shower for a bit or wet a washcloth with warm water and breath through it for a while. It’ll be a nice soothing relief from congestion. Some people like saline drops or spray (Saline only! No added stuff) to clear everything out. Vaporizers and humidifiers also work well at night; just make sure you clean them regularly. The last thing you need is more irritants and bacteria floating around. Also, avoid anything that may be an irritant. Do your work out indoors on days when the air quality is poor. Stay away from smokers, paint and chemical fumes (which you should be doing anyways) and get your partner to dust and clean any mold and/or pet dander from inside your home. As mentioned before, there are so many different methods and home remedies out there.  I’ve only mentioned a few.

What are some of the methods you use?  What Holy Grail of discoveries can you offer those sick in the morning (afternoon, evening and sometimes midnight)?

I’m So much goes on in a woman’s body during pregnancy. Some noticeable to the observer, some not so much. Your breasts are definitely a noticeable one. Usually, to the greater satisfaction of your partner. Hands off though, ‘cause: Ouch! Those things are for looking only, no touching at first. They will be so tender, but boy are they perky. Go ahead and enjoy them while they are still all yours. Take as many glances in the mirror or pretend to be looking down at your shirt and check yourself out as much as you can! Enjoy!

Our surrogacy agency will admit that there ARE some less enjoyable aspects of your new boobs…There are several other things, besides their size,  that may happen throughout your 40 weeks. They’ll get tender; your nipples may stick out more and/or get darker; you might notice some stretch marks (coco butter works well); You may even get your colostrum (a watery yellowish pre-milk substance loaded with nutrients for the newborn)  leaking from them near the end of your journey.

After delivery, it doesn’t get easier right away. We are going to let you know something that no one ever told us  before we had kids: breastfeeding, pumping, and/or stopping your milk production can HURT! That’s right, it can all be painful and uncomfortable. No matter which route you take — nursing, expressing for someone, or using formula — you’ll get rock hard breasts and your nipples will get sore. Sometimes they crack and oh-ho-ho that hurts! If you’re not allergic, lanolin is a godsend for those babies. When you do stop your milk production, the best recommendations we have are these: Frozen cabbage leaves tucked into your bra (we kid you not, they really DO work!). It really relieves the pressure. Many say to take a warm shower. Warning: That is an immediate fix only! It will encourage your breasts to produce MORE milk, not stop it. You’ll just be starting a vicious cycle of pain and relief over and over again. They make breast pads to catch the leaks but those can be pricy.  Our team has found that just buying pantie-liners or pads (depending how heavy you leak) and cutting them in half works just as well. They also conveniently have that sticky back to attach to whatever clothing you may be wearing.

The boob fairy give(ith) and she take(ith) away. You may be one of the lucky ones that get to keep your perky and full pregnancy boobs. Most of our surrogates just kind of go  back to their pre-pregnancy size. Other surrogates say they got what they call “Mom boobs.” Bigger but saggier. It really is the luck of the draw. It’s all part of that ever changing process we woman chose to go through to procreate. Definitely, well worth it if you ask me.

                                              

 

No Drinking, No Smoking. No raw fish. Unpasteurized dairy is a no-no. No undercooked meats. No raw cookie dough . Tuna?! Deli meats? Ceviche and smoked fish? No. NO CAFFEINE.

There are so many “no’s” when you are pregnant, so many “watch out” and “be careful of” moments, that it’s hard to remember them all. Yes, It can be intense.  The mantra of “it’s for the baby, it’s for the baby” helps but many surrogates still ache for sushi and drinks.

The nice thing is when you take care of yourself during pregnancy, you feel better physically as well as emotionally. As a result, there are many “super foods” to combine and discover that it can actually be kind of fun to play around and branch out from your normal diet. Some of these combinations may even become some of your favorite meals!

                               

Let’s look at a few of these amazing foods for women and their developing babies.

Leafy and super green veggies:Broccoli, Kale, Spinach, etc–All really are great sources of foliate, fiber, calcium, potassium and vitamin A.  Also, they have stuff you’ve probably never heard of like lutein, zeaxanthin and carotenoids. You can stir-fry it, roast it, make salads, and sneak it into smoothies. Just eat it!

Brightly colored fruits and berries:Blueberries, mangos, kiwis, strawberries, plums, bananas, etc–all packed with good carbohydrates, an alphabet full of vitamins, potassium, foliate, fiber and phytonutrients. Eat them on their own or with yogurt, cereal or pancakes or make smoothies or fruit salads.

Nuts, beans and seeds: Garbanzo (chickpeas), lentils, black beans, soybeans, walnuts, sunflower seeds, etc–These are full of protein, iron, fiber, foliate, zinc and calcium. These little wonders are good brain food and great for snacks, salads, soups, chili, pasta or hummus.

Dairy (pasteurized), eggs, salmon and lean beef:Protein, Vitamins A, D, B6 and 12, niacin, zinc, iron, choline, omega-3’s to name a few and all help with baby’s development. Cheeses, yogurts, omelets, grilled or in a sandwich.

These are just a few “super foods” off the top of our head. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, will point you in the right direction to healthy eating as you journey on your surrogate pregnancy.

The main thing is to just not stress. Take care of yourself and the baby will benefit from it, too.  Do your best to get out of bad habits and routines. So much less will weigh on you when you just make a conscious effort to be healthier in what you eat. You’ll have more energy and a clear peace of mind that you are doing all you can not just for you, but for that dependent little life inside as well.

Shared Conception looks forward to hearing from you as you consider becoming a surrogate or an intended parent. And yes, we will even talk “super foods” with you!  Give us a call.

As a surrogacy agency who consistently works with surrogates, we thought you all would enjoy true stories of encounters surrogates have had while out and about in their community. Read on.

“My neighbor comes out and takes her kids to school at the same time I do almost every morning (they go to a different school otherwise we’d totally car pool). We’re not close, but we’re civil: “Hi,” “Good Morning,” “Going to be cold isn’t it?” that kind of thing.  She saw how I was pregnant throughout the year but we never really talked about it. She smiled at the bump and asked if it was a girl or a boy? I just said “girl” and smiled back. We’re in that morning rush and I wasn’t going to pull her aside to tell her I’m a surrogate, explain the whole deal to her, and make our kids late to school and most likely freak her out in the process. It just wasn’t convenient.
Well, after I had delivered and was up on my feet again taking the girls to school, she sees me. Clearly not pregnant anymore and… no baby anywhere… no car seat… no nothing. I said “Good morning”, smiled and pulled away. I could tell she was thoroughly confused. Her eyes were processing. Should she be apologetic, sympathetic? Had something terrible happened? But I was happy, not grieving? What had I done with the child! The next few times we saw each other, I could tell she was clearly baffled but she never brought it up and since then she doesn’t really speak to me at all. I can tell I unsettle her but I don’t feel like I need to explain my life to an almost stranger. I’m friendly and open so maybe someday she’ll ask. Especially now that I’m going to do it again :)”

“I’ve had many similar situations with the people I see on a daily basis. The ones you’re not close to but are friendly enough to say hello to. The crossing guard at my daughter’s school, my bank teller, the lady who always seems to get in the elevator at the same time I do, the dad picking up his son in my daughter’s class, every one of these people has made casual remarks about me being pregnant. I’ll vaguely answer “It’s a girl,” “due in September,” or “I don’t know the name yet.”  And if I have the time or I feel comfortable enough around them I’ll tell them what’s what and that: “it’s not mine”, or “I’m a surrogate.” I never, ever know how they’ll react. I had the check-out lady at Target come around the register, give me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and with tears in her eyes tell me what a wonderful thing I was doing; since her daughter couldn’t conceive and she knew how I was changing someone’s life. That was totally unexpected and made me cry (also I was hormonal from being pregnant at the time). I had a man look at me in disgust and snidely remark to his wife that he could never allow her to “sell a baby”. My husband had to pull me away at that point (again, hormonal and would most likely have ripped him a new one).”

 

                  

“There was that one time I was out with my 5 year old and a woman made a comment to her about getting a little brother or sister and my daughter looked up at her and quipped “It’s not even ours.”  I’ve never seen a woman walk away so quickly without trying to look like it. Awkward! But I have to admit I laughed after she left.
My kids have been great with this. They absolutely loved everything about me being a surrogate for another couple. They don’t want any more sibling competition and are happy that Mommy is helping others to become parents too. They get it. I think it clicked more easily for them than it did with my friends. I have found that my 8 year old had been telling her teacher and all her school friends about me before I had a chance to myself. Her teacher then bragged to other teachers about what I was doing so that when I went in to tell her, everyone knew already and it was no big deal.”

At Shared Conception, we have found that people will always amaze you. For better or worse. Our surrogacy agency have found it’s usually for the better. And what’s more amazing is that surrogacy is becoming “The New Normal.” People tend to just be curious these days instead of ignorant or closed minded.  Call us up, we are happy to talk to you about all things surrogacy.

A surrogate once remarked, “I did it! I finally decided I was worth being taken care of and allowed myself what I had previously considered a luxury: a prenatal massage. You’d think after three pregnancies, I would have done it ages ago; however, I am a very stubborn and “tough” girl who doesn’t believe in “wasting” money on things purely for me. Boy was I wrong. It was wonderful and it will not be the last time I go. This looks like it’ll become a regular thing for me now that I know better. I felt so much more relaxed afterwards. And I slept! I actually slept through the whole night! This never, ever happens to me, especially during a pregnancy.”

What is a prenatal massage and how is it different from a regular massage? A prenatal massage is a specialized technique that is designed for a woman usually in her second trimester up to part way through her third trimester. It’s meant to improve circulation, give you some energy, and take some of the strain away from your over-worked muscles and joints. It uses a lighter pressure and you lay on your sides as opposed to your back and tummy. Lying on your back is never a good idea when you’re pregnant. The weight of the baby and uterus blocks circulation to the placenta. This can cause complications that no amount of massage can help. It is a little more difficult for the masseuse to rub you down at this angle, but far safer.

Prenatal massages also have the same great benefits as any regular massage does. Loads of studies have shown that they relax and loosen tight muscles, reduce cortisol (that nasty stress hormone), increase blood flow, keeps the lymphatic system going strong and flushes toxins out of the body. Just be sure to drink plenty of water afterwards as massages releases toxins that have built up in your muscles to float freely through your body, which can make you sick if you are not properly hydrated afterward.

What all this means is, that with regular prenatal massages you should become generally more relaxed. They help relieve insomnia, get rid of joint pain, and relieve swelling, headaches and even sinus congestion. Also, let’s not forget to mention all those neck, back, hip, leg and sciatica pains you will no longer experience as much.

Here are just a few warnings to keep you safe and happy. First, make sure a prental massage is not prohibited by your surrogacy contract.  Secondly, the first trimester is a little too risky for a massage.  With everything changing, it’s just not a good time (especially for surrogates or anyone getting assistance with conception). Also, research your masseuse first, don’t just go anywhere. People who specialize in this type of massage need to be specifically trained in prenatal massages. The right hands work miracles, the wrong ones could put you in the hospital. New studies are showing that the amount of trust you have in someone is equal to the amount of relaxation you will allow yourself to feel. If you don’t 100% trust that person, you won’t be able to reap all the physiological benefits. Lastly, stay away from those ankles! They don’t know exactly why yet, but when you rub those bad boys, it can start labor. Unless you are past your due date, keep away. Just skip down to those well deserving (probably slightly larger) feet of yours.

Now I’ll  excuse you as you go book that prenatal massage appointment…!

Excerpts Diana Van De Voort

                                                       

 

One of the things surrogates are asked quite frequently is  “How do you explain surrogacy to your kids? Isn’t that going to be hard on them?” People asking this are concerned that  the surrogate’s children would be confused that they didn’t take the baby home. Surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, can guide a surrogate with a way to explain to young children about surrogacy.

Extreme Babysitting
One surrogate  explained that she would be taking care of her Intended Mother and Father’s baby in her tummy.  She said they were giving her  their baby to watch and help grow, and when he/she was all grown and healthy, she would be giving him/her back to them. She simply explained it as long term babysitting. She wanted to be sure that her children knew that from the beginning this child was not theirs. She was simply trusted to care for it, and then would give it back to it’s mommy the way their babysitter gave back her own son and daughter. She also made sure to tell her kiddos that she would  never give them away. Just reassuring them of this fact every once in a while is smart to do.

Another surrogate called her Surro-baby “Intended mother and Father’s baby” to her children all the time, continuing to reinforce to them that this baby was different.

One of our surrogates explained it to her kids by saying that “_____’s belly was broken so Mommy is helping by using my belly to grow the baby for them!”  They understood it because it made sense to them and was on their level.

There are also several books that are written specifically for children of surrogates. One our surrogacy agency recommends is “The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children” by  Sarah Phillips Pellet (Author), Laurie A. Faust (Illustrator). Very age appropriate and well thought out!

                                                         

Preparing Children for After the Birth

It is also important to explain how everything will work after the baby is born. Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, familiar. This is why establishing routines with children are often recommended by pediatricians and practices in early childhood education. To lessen the shock of a new experience, and for most children a pregnant mother and giving birth is a new experience, it’s important to talk about the birth and to talk about it frequently.

A good example is “Mommy is going to go to the hospital so IM & IF’s baby can come out and be with her parents, then mommy gets to come home and be with you guys again! We can snuggle and continue to be just us.”

Keep the explanation short, and use words they can relate to. When one surrogate gave birth to her surrogate baby,  her IP’s had all of them come visit in their room so that the surrogate’s children could see that the baby was safe with her parents. This is extremely important if that  relationship exists  with the IPs. It simply brought it to a beautiful conclusion for them. Children need reassurance that they are loved, and what to expect in situations that are big like this.

Surrogacy is life changing, and a journey that the whole family participates in. Making it a relatable subject to little kids makes the adjustments and changes easier to accept. Call us here at Shared Conception and let’s talk.

Deciding to participate in Surrogacy is a huge step whether you’re an Intended Parent (IP) or the Surrogate Mother, herself. It is a huge decision that probably came with months, if not years of weighing options and doing research. For some Intended Parents, finding a surrogate can land close to home when a family member or friend approaches to carry their child, but what about situations where you need to find someone to carry your child and you DON’T know them? For women who want to be surrogates, what if you don’t know someone who could use your help? You are both placed in this vast world of “now what?” Here are five reasons why choosing surrogacy agency is a route that will be less stressful, and a more enjoyable journey for all.

1.Surrogates and IP’s are pre-screened and MUST meet strict requirements.
Surrogacy comes with all different avenues of trust, trusting the IP’s that you have been matched with to be as involved as they said they would be and the IP’s trusting the Surrogate Mother to take good care of herself and your child she is carrying. It’s a scary arena to step into that puts both parties in a vulnerable state to one another. Shared Conception pre-screens all Surrogate Mothers and IP’s before moving into contracts, so each party can rest assured that the other will have passed a psychological evaluation, criminal background check, and any state mandated medical screenings. By doing this, we significantly reduce the risk of there ever being any unfortunate incidents, and help both parties to feel more comfortable in this process and focus on the joy of the journey instead of adding worry to the equation.

2.Assistance with legal contracts
Most people do not have a law degree, and reading and going over a contract for a surrogacy arrangement by yourself can be extremely confusing. Some agencies will direct you to a trusted lawyer to assist you with your contracts.

3.Expert help with sensitive matters
Surrogacy agencies are always here to handle delicate matters such as anything finance related. You can rely on us.

4.Matches based on mutual expectations
As a part of the initial application process and profile creation for both the Surrogates and IP’s, a surrogacy agency ensures that your expectations in terms of communication, relationship, and delivery are reflected in writing. A qualified team will then take these expectations and the knowledge they have of both the IP’s and Surrogates, and match them based on their desires for a similar journey. When seeking a match outside of an agency, there is a risk that the surrogate and IP’s journey expectations may not match up, and that may not be discovered until further down the road when it may be too late to end the match.

5.Constant individual support for both IP’s and surrogates
A Surrogacy agency is the most involved with IP’s in the beginning stages of the surrogacy journey, but are continually present for IP’s throughout the pregnancy and afterwards to offer support and answer questions as they arise. Participating in a surrogacy outside of an agency means that both the Surrogate and the IP’s miss out on this kind of support. It’s just not something found outside of an agency. Shared Conception is a stellar agency that stands out from the rest. Call us!

                                               

 

 

Nobody likes it; nobody wants to read it, but you HAVE TO READ YOUR SURROGACY CONTRACT. Seriously, our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, cannot stress this enough. Everything you ever wanted, needed, and never even thought of knowing is in there. It’s the Rosetta Stone of surrogacy and we are talking to everyone- surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents alike. If you think of absolutely any questions whatsoever, we promise you will find the answer in your contract.

“Hey, my surrogate wants to go cross country skiing, can she do that?”

The answer is in there! I’m not kidding. And by the way answer is no.

Fertility lawyers need to think of every situation and every solution.

“Can I have sex after a transfer?” Or
“Is organic food reimbursable?” Or
“Who pays the insurance copays?” Or
“Does the surrogate have a right to see our baby after she gives birth?”

It’s funny, the questions you think of after entering a legally binding situation, stuff that never would have occurred to you before this amazing journey began. But you know what? You are in no way the first to think of these questions, so ask away. Your attorney will gladly give you the page number of your personalized contract that will tell you all you need to know.

                                             

Before you’ve even put pen to paper your lawyer will have told you so much. They’ll have gone over every single page with you. You’ll have tweaked it here and there and it’ll have gone back and forth between parties. There is a lot of legislation to do with surrogacy and that’s a good thing, even if it is tedious. And you know what? You won’t remember most of it. There is no way, unless you have a photographic memory, you will know what and where you read that certain line that you now need to know. And that’s ok too. You’ll have a copy that will become your best friend. Your own treasure map, so to speak. Do you want your stress levels to go down and your anxiety to melt away? Then read your contract. It will guide you through with the comforting reassurance that can only come from the law.

Knowing your rights and staying well informed from beginning to end makes for such a smoother journey. Trust us, we know. Let’s talk more about surrogacy, give us a call.

 

                              

It has to be one of the  longest and most winding roads to travel on when a couple or an individual decides to  have a surrogate carry their child. As long as it takes to get there, the journey has just begun when they decide. A woman who chooses to become a surrogate begins the process with a giving heart.

When an Intended Parent is matched with a surrogate, a bond forms. It’s different for everyone but the basics are the same. Yearning meets ability, where wanting and giving come together to travel the same path for as long as the journey takes.

A surrogate who is healthy, fertile and willing to carry a baby in her womb for nine months means HOPE; she is a gift unlike any other. Step by step this gift increases in value until ultimately; the greatest gift of all has been achieved: Life, a child to enhance a family.

What most people don’t realize is that women who choose to become surrogates don’t do it for the money, or the recognition. They do it for the intense satisfaction and joy.The fulfillment they  receive is from seeing the look on the faces of the new parents when they hear their baby’s first heartbeat, when they see the first ultrasound and when they finally get to meet their precious child for the first time. Those moments are priceless and being a part of those moments makes surrogate mothers shine. No monetary compensation could equal the pure joy felt when sharing something so life-changing with the intended parents.

Whether you are longing to be a parent and aching for a child or you are a woman looking for something more to give in life, ask yourself this: Are you ready to change a total stranger’s life and make a difference in the world?

This journey may have roadblocks and bumps along the way, but it is an adventure, that’s for sure and if you are the kind of person who can be selfless and can open your heart up to the possibilities, it may just be the most rewarding experience of your life. Call us at Shared Conception and get more information on becoming a surrogate. Happy Mother’s Day!

There are two kinds of surrogate mothers.

Traditional surrogates

Artificial insemination first made surrogacy possible. A traditional surrogate is a woman who is artificially inseminated with the father’ssperm.She then carries the baby and delivers it for the parents to raise. A traditional surrogate is the baby’s biological mother. That’s because it was her egg that was fertilized by the father’s sperm. Donor sperm can also be used for a traditional surrogacy. Shared Conception does not conduct traditional surrogacy. We only expertly work with gestational surrogacy. 

Gestational surrogates

In Vitro fertilization (IVF) now makes it possible to harvest eggs from the mother, fertilize them with sperm from the father, and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate. The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. A gestational surrogate has no genetic ties to the child. That’s because it wasn’t her egg that was used. A gestational surrogate is called the “birth mother.” The biological mother, though, is still the woman whose egg was fertilized.Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, stands ready to expertly guide you through this journey.

In the U.S., gestational surrogacy is less complex legally. That’s because both intended parents have genetic ties to the baby. As a result, gestational surrogacy has become more common than a traditional surrogate. Thousands of babies are born each year using gestational surrogacy.

Who Uses Surrogates?A woman might decide to use a surrogate for several reasons:
·She may have medical problems with her uterus.
·She may have had ahysterectomythat removed her uterus.
·There may be conditions that makepregnancyimpossible or medically risky, such as severe heart disease.

                                              

Other women choose surrogacy after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnantwith a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques (ART), such as IVF.

Surrogates have also made parenthood an option for people who might not be able to adopt a child. Reasons could include:
·Their age
·Their marital status
·Their sexual orientation

Here at Shared Conceptions, we know what we are doing and we do it well. Connect with us and find out everything you need to know about surrogacy and further enhancing your family. We await your call!